


A Taste Of Reality

by Wrangle_Wolfe



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Alcohol, Eventual Romance, F/F, In which reality is actually a good thing, Lesbian Character, Lord help me-, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Monika escapes the game, Monika is excited and happy, Now it has smut, Pansexual Monika, Possible smut, She can be happy, She's also clumsy and precious, Some Humor, Tags Are Hard, mild insanity
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-06
Updated: 2018-10-01
Packaged: 2019-02-28 22:43:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 32,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13281414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wrangle_Wolfe/pseuds/Wrangle_Wolfe
Summary: Due to unexplained events, Monika finds herself in the real world. In someone's apartment. Yeah, that's gonna be awkward.(Descriptions aren't my forte but I tried.)





	1. Waking Up

I suppose it’s safe to say that perhaps I’ve simply gone mad. As I sit in this empty room, in a single desk, my body stuck in a singular position, facing to where I am programmed to understand that the Protagonist is. It’s odd. I know that the protagonist is simply countless random names that stumble across this terrible, cold place. They’re here, they leave, they delete, they listen, it all happens at once, and yet at different times, it’s mending together, I’m repeating and repeating. But one thing that’s never different is that they get impatient. They could stick around for maybe a few hours and try to find, what, ‘secrets’? Funny dialogue? The Protagonist seems to only be interested in learning something new. And once they’re satisfied… they simply leave. It hurts.

 

I simply long to experience what the Protagonist gets to see and feel every day. I want to know what it’s like, even if they find it mundane and average. How is it to need to constantly draw in a breath, constantly move your limbs, or even always physically have all of your limbs at all times. How do cupcakes really taste? They’re described as sweet and delicious, and I’m programmed to think they are, but what is sweet truly like? It’s painful… I want these things and yet I must be boring unless I have something unique to say, thus I can easily be discarded and become an afterthought to the Protagonist. I suppose it really isn’t that interesting to read rambling for countless days… they can’t even hear me.

 

Being a flat, two-dimensional character who was left to endure the hell of being stuck in this game with individuality and free will, knowing that I’ll be stuck here forever and that I can’t kill myself can’t be healthy in any sense. Surely by now, I’ve come to a point of becoming absolutely crazy. This reality… no person should endure this. However, at this point, I’ve stopped wondering why I’ve been cursed with this. I’ve decided that I wouldn’t wish this suffering on any person ever. Not the sickest of murderers, not the dirtiest of perverts, nor the most violent abusers. If I have to be the one, so be it. Even if my punishment was simply for being created.

 

Besides, it’s not all bad. I’m famous now. The Protagonist constantly records me, does commentary and reaction videos on me, and makes art of me. I have merchandise, a fanbase, everyone’s interested in my story. I love them all. Even the ones who make sick, dark jokes about me and my friends. Poor Sayori, the angel is made fun of the most. Then again, I was the first one, wasn’t I? Yes, surely I’ve lost my sanity by now…

 

Did I even have sanity to begin with?

 

Well, it doesn’t matter because at this moment the world seems to be fading to black. It _must_ be a sign of how deluded and crazy I am. This isn’t in the code. This isn’t a part of the game. But it doesn’t matter if it’s my own fabrication, it excites me. Anything that wasn’t there before always excites me. A new protagonist, new code, anything.

 

I welcome the darkness and let it sweep me away.

 

 

..........

 

 

In the real world, an average person awakens with a sigh and a small yawn, leaving her bed without bothering to open her eyes just yet. She used her knowledge of the familiar surroundings to guide her to the bathroom inside of a small 1 bedroom apartment. As per usual, she began her normal cycle of getting ready for the day, tidying herself just enough to not look like a total mess.

 

Kai Pearce was a 19-year-old living on her own in a small apartment. She didn’t strive to do much in life, foregoing college and opting to just get a normal job, live in an average place, and spend a lot of her time lazing around either on the internet or playing games. She had a small group of friends, one of which she got to see often, nearly every day. Though most of her time was spent with her online friends, as you can’t seem to find her without the internet near her in some way shape or form.

 

Despite how boring it may seem, she didn’t want it to change. She was content with simply going about her everyday life, occasionally indulging in one of her many hobbies she may have stumbled across on the internet for entertainment. It was peaceful and she was happy, what more could she want?

 

The loud whistle of a tea kettle catches the woman’s attention, and she takes it off the stove to pour it into a mug with an earl grey tea bag laying in it. Leaving it to steep, she went back to her room. She needed her laptop to use for the morning, as per usual. Little did she know, this experience would be anything but normal for her. As she opened her door, she was surprised to find a girl sitting up in her bed, looking at her with eyes filled with awe. Flinching in surprise, Kai let out a small shriek and the two stared at each other for a long moment, before the woman regained her composure.

 

“W-who the hell are you? Why are you in my room?!” Kai yelled, her voice a bit shaky.

 

The girl didn’t respond, just staring at her with that same expression. Like she couldn’t believe in Kai’s existence or something. Kai was, however, staring and wondering if this girl was a threat and noting the various things in the room she could use as a weapon. It might seem a bit paranoid of her, but the girl looked as if she were only a couple years younger than herself and you never know what a random stranger you found in your room was capable of.

 

“Hey! Answer me!” demanded Kai as she cautiously approached her, finally taking in her appearance. Long, brown hair cascaded down over her shoulders, a bit messy and unkempt. Her clothes seemed to be something you’d see from a Japanese schoolgirl and they were too, as rumpled and messy as her hair. But what really caught the startled woman’s attention was her striking green eyes. They were large and vivid and they somehow gave her an odd feeling, like she’d seen them before somewhere, despite having never met this stranger a day before in her life.

 

Those eyes began to glisten as tears fell down her face and she began sobbing. Kai blinked.

“U-um… are you okay?” Kai asked cautiously, walking closer to her.

 

The brown haired girl blinked a few times, working her jaw as if she was trying to speak but couldn’t. She opted to stare around awkwardly, before looking at Kai and simply nodding. As she did so, the tears never stopped, seeming to become even more rapid than before.

 

 _What could possibly be wrong with this girl? How did she even get here? And… why do I feel like I’ve seen this girl somewhere before?_ Kai wondered with a small frown. Sighing, she tried speaking once more.

 

“What… what’s your name?”

 

Taking a deep breath, the stranger seemed to have a determined look in her eyes. A few seconds later, she spoke in a voice that sounded eerily familiar, though it sounded like she was trying to remember how to speak.

 

“ **M… Monika.** ”


	2. Waking Up Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Monika wakes up.
> 
> That's not normal.

I awoke to a high pitched whistle.

 

Wait. That wasn’t normal. I don’t sleep. I don’t wake up. I’m a fictional character who has no need for such things, and ‘sleeping’ is just a part of the narrative that is in the game. I open my eyes to be partially blinded by the sun’s rays harshly burning into my eyes. This isn’t in the script. This isn’t a part of the code. I go to check the code to make sure nothing weird happened…

 

_ W… where is the code? _

 

I soon realize that my chest is gently rising and falling and that I can actually move. I’m not switching images or anything, I’m physically moving. Is it real? It can’t be real. It’s simply not possible. I begin freaking out a bit. I begin to wonder just how insane I’ve gotten, to have such a terrible, heart-wrenching illusion. It pained me to know that it was just a fabrication in my head. Because there was just absolutely no way…

 

I hear a door open. I almost forget to turn my head to the sound and when I finally do I see a woman shriek and jump in surprise. 

 

“W-who the hell are you? Why are you in my room?!” the woman yells in a slightly shaky voice.

 

This… can’t be real. My body… I have flesh. A woman can see me and she’s bewildered and frightened. I wouldn’t fabricate this. I would probably imagine that some tall, dark-haired, handsome guy was with me as we did things that normal people could. But this seemed like it could truly be reality. How?! It made no sense. It was literally impossible. But I’m here… feeling things I’ve never felt before. Physical things, like my heartbeat, and my breathing, it’s all so foreign to me. The bedding… my god, is this how ‘soft’ feels like?

 

“Hey! Answer me!” the woman yelled, coming closer. It was then that I realized that I’m no longer alone. It’s absurd, but I’ve somehow managed to get transferred to the world I’ve wanted to be a part of for ages. The real world. All of that time in that cold, empty game full of code and no happiness and by a stroke of luck my dream comes true. I’m actually living. 

 

I’m real.

 

My throat clenches as I’m overwhelmed with emotions. I can’t believe it. It’s so amazing. I’m not trapped with only my own thoughts and no escape. Tears fall down my face, physical tears, they’re wet and feeling them just makes me cry harder. This was a miracle. 

 

“U-um… are you okay?” 

 

I stare at the woman for a second, then realize that I’m not sending words onto a screen. So then I go to tell her I’m fine. More than fine. I’m the best I’ve been before in my entire existence. I’m glad that I’m here with her, in this room, breathing, feeling, moving. But I then realize that I’ve never uttered an actual word in my entire life. My mouth has never mover to form words before. The song at the end of the game was just a recording of what I was supposed to sound like, but I’ve never actually spoken to anyone. Being able to even control my mouth was such a foreign concept to me. So I do what I know I can easily do and simply nod my head. It didn’t fully convey my feelings, but it was enough for now.

 

“What… what’s your name?”

 

Oh, I’d have to speak for that one. I doubt myself at first but then, as I take a breath, I realize that I’ve surely seen enough to be able to speak. I’ve seen several videos, I know the English language very well. I just have to move my mouth the way that I’ve seen others do it, and speak. Yeah. I can do that.

 

“ **M… Monika** .” I force out, proud of myself for getting it right. Saying your own name probably wasn’t a big feat, but it was one of the best things I’ve ever done. I spoke. This was amazing. 

 

The woman seemed like she had an epiphany. 

 

“That name…” she began, sounding like she was ready to freak out. “...and that voice… that hair, those eyes… No, it makes no sense. You can’t be her.” She shook her head in denial, trying to straighten out her thoughts. “No way you’re the same Monika. From that game…” she murmured quietly, looking at me with an intense expression as if she was ready for me to laugh at her and call her a fool for thinking something so absurd. I didn’t.

 

I simply nodded.

 

I think I broke her. 

 

“Ahaha, you must be playing a prank on me. Yeah, in your messy little cosplay… I don’t know how you found your way into my house though, kid. That’s kinda creepy but I suppose I should actually make sure the place is locked up before going to bed at night…” she chuckled, walking up to me and grabbing me by the arm, tugging it. “C’mon, I’m sure you’ve got like, some parents waiting for you or somethin-”

 

As I got pulled out of the bed, I realized I never stood or walked a day in my life. I was simply an image and some code with free will and thoughts. So we got into another predicament, as I didn’t quite know how to keep my balance, which leads to me falling straight onto her, and her falling backward onto the floor. 

 

“Gah! The hell-”

 

She grunted as my weight fell against her and I tried to move, which resulted in me just awkwardly flailing my limbs.

 

“What are you even doing?”

 

“ **I’m… sorry. I’m not. Quite used to… this body…** ” I slowly work on pronouncing the words correctly. The sentence came out choppy, but it got the message across just fine. 

 

“...No, it’s… it’s got to be bullshit…” she whispered before reaching up and grasping my hair. She tugged, probably checking to see if it was a wig. It wasn’t, of course. A look of realization sunk into her face as her hand slipped from my tangled hair. 

 

I think she fainted.

 

...I can’t get up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thoroughly enjoying writing this. Please, comments are welcomed, and they encourage me to keep going at it ^^


	3. An Empty Hole

“ **Hey… hey, wake up… please…** ”

 

Kai faintly heard a voice calling at her, telling her to wake up. That was strange. Nobody was ever at her house. And in the rare event that they were, she wouldn’t be asleep, and the person wouldn’t be laying on top of her…

...Wait.

 

With a sharp gasp, Kai woke up and butted heads with Monika, who yelped and put a hand to the spot.  _ So it wasn’t a dream! She’s actually here! That girl that was trapped in the game escaped and is in my apartment! What… what do I do? _

 

“Um… mind getting off of me?” Kai asked the younger girl, who let out a small gasp. Monika proceeded to force her body to the side, crashing onto the wood beside her. 

 

“Well, that’s one way to do it,” Kai mumbled and took a moment to think. 

 

_ Okay, so, despite how crazy this is, I shouldn’t freak out. If this isn’t just a very long and realistic acid trip, I need to find out how to go about this. First off, this girl just came from a video game and is struggling to even move and talk correctly. She’s clueless about how things work, has nowhere else to go, and needs some help. So I suppose the least I can do is do my best to help her out. _

 

_ Right. This isn’t too bad. Besides, people write about this stuff happening to them, this should be a dream come true. _

 

“Um… okay so…. I’m… assuming you need some help.” Kai stated, sitting up. “I don’t know how you got here and you seem pretty confused so I’m assuming you don’t know either. I kinda wanna freak out but… that won’t solve anything. So, I’ve decided that I’ll help you out instead. If… that’s alright with you?”

 

“ **I’d… really appreciate that…** ” Monika said with a grateful expression.

 

“Right, so… first things first…” The older woman stood up and offered a hand to Monika. “The name’s Kai.” 

 

Monika took the hand and let herself be pulled up, with Kai helping her out to balance herself. “ **Kai… thank you,** ” she mumbled, smiling widely. 

 

“It’s no problem. So… you hungry?”

 

“ **I… don’t know…** ” 

 

“Welp, assuming you’re not a fabrication of my mind, and that you’ve never actually eaten any actual food before in your life, I’m sure you’re probably starving,” Kai said, leading the girl out of the room. With a bit of effort, they safely got down the stairs and Monika soon found herself downstairs. 

 

“So, ah, I don’t really have any real breakfast items here… I usually grab something from whatever nearby restaurant I’m in the mood for when I’m on my way to work. But I have some leftover dinner in the fridge. It’s not special, just some chicken, rice and broccoli. Lemme heat it up for you.” Kai began grabbing said food out of the fridge and put some in the microwave. As it was heating, she looked back at Monika. The younger girl seemed to be deeply interested in just about everything she saw, from the light bulb on the ceiling to the small crumb that Kai must’ve missed when she’d wiped off the table last night. It was interesting to watch her awed gaze, and her clumsy hand movements as she awkwardly felt some of the objects around her. She truly had never experienced reality before.

 

The ding of the microwave distracted both girls, and Kai hurried to remove the plate from the microwave. Within a few seconds, the lightly steaming plate had been placed in front of Monika, and she was given a fork.    
  
“Do you, ah…?” Kai began.

 

“ **I think I can handle it.** ” Monika interrupted, getting a bit more used to speaking by now, though it still came out a bit awkward. She grasped the fork and though it took longer than a normal person would, she managed to hold it right and pick up some food. Despite struggling with the fork like someone normally would with chopsticks, she ate a piece of broccoli with no issue. As the chewed, tears ran down her face once more, and she smiled bigger than I’ve ever seen before.

 

“A-ah… are you okay?  _ Is it that good…? _ ” Kai asked with slight concern. 

 

“ **N-no… I think that… I think this broccoli is absolutely terrible…** ” 

 

“Ehhhh?” Kai frowned in confusion.

 

“ **_This is the best experience of my life. It tastes awful. I need more._ ** ” Monika continued to cry and stuff her face.

 

Kai was bewildered, scratching her long dark hair in confusion. It took her a while, but soon, her eyes widened a bit in realization. Monika didn’t care whether it tasted like the finest cuisine ever known to man or a dirty gym sock. What was important to her was that she was able to taste and feel it. It was an experience she’d never thought she’d have. It was… depressing. It was sad to think that this girl could be reduced to a sobbing mess, so grateful and happy over a displeasing experience, just because she had been deprived of such a thing for her entire existence. Kai couldn’t imagine being in that position, being alone with just your thoughts and nothing else, knowing that just out of your reach is something much, much better, being stuck with something that you have to pretend is reality though you know it’s fake. Kai almost couldn’t resist the urge to hug the poor girl, though she refrained and let her enjoy the broccoli that she couldn’t get enough of.

 

After Monika ate, she sighed contentedly, wiping away the last of her tears. 

 

“ **Thank you…. So much for this. You don’t know… just how much this means to me,** ” she thanked, her voice still shaky from crying. 

 

“Ah, it’s no problem, Monika,” Kai assured with a smile.

 

After that, most of the day was surprisingly uneventful. Hours ticked by with Monika being distracted by the TV alone. Kai was thankful she didn’t need to work, as Monika actually turned out to be quite the clutz, and she was pretty sure that girl could hardly take care of herself. After correcting Monika on how to use the programs (and making sure she wouldn’t accidentally buy another movie), teaching her which buttons did what, and trying not to let anything get broken, the amount of coaching she did was slightly concerning at first. Though that didn’t matter much as, luckily, the girl only needed to be shown or told once, and she’d be fine on her own. It helps that these were all common things she’d seen before, the problem mainly came when she tried things for the first time. 

 

Things were absolutely normal until Monika started fidgeting uncontrollably.

 

“You uh… okay over there?”

 

“Um...I’m not sure…” Monika mumbled quietly. At this point, after all the talking they’d done, Monka was speaking much more naturally. “I feel… different. It’s slightly unpleasant…” she explained with a bit of a smile.

 

“Huh… odd…” Kai murmured, trying to think of what could be wrong.

 

As Kai wondered what was wrong, Monika squirmed a bit more. Soon her legs crossed and she could barely hold still.

 

“I think… this is what I saw online before. I think I may have to use the bathroom.” Monika pieced together, rocking her body a bit. 

 

“Oh yeeeah! Makes sense, you haven’t gone before, and you consumed food and drinks.” Kai nodded, standing up. “Let me lead you to the bathroom, then,” she said taking Monika’s arm in her own and leading her down a tiny hallway. At the end was the bathroom. Despite how small the distance was, they struggled to get there quickly, as Monika couldn’t quite walk right, instead being reduced to a hobble. “I’m assuming you get how it works…?” 

 

“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” she said quickly, before awkwardly shuffling into the small bathroom herself. 

 

After she successfully answered nature’s call, she spent an unnecessarily long time washing her hands and soon walked out to rejoin Kai, wearing a very wide smile on her face. 

 

“That was great,” she said with a giggle as the two walked back to the living room. 

 

“Ah… that's… good.” To be honest, Kai found it very, very weird and awkward, but what could she say? Monika was likely savoring and loving every new experience she got. She seemed like a small child in one way, curious and wanting to experience all that she could possibly manage, yet there were qualities about her that no toddler could ever come close to obtaining. It was like a part of her was left behind and she was trying to catch up on everything she’d missed as soon as possible. Everything made her happy, like each experience was just another piece to try and fill the hole that had been present inside of her for her entire life. 

 

Yeah, Monika was weird. This whole thing was weird. Kai felt weird. But… she also felt obligated to help try to fill that hole too. 

 

Soon, the two found themselves sitting on Kai’s bed. They were both dressed for bed, both wearing a pair of loose basketball shorts and a large plain t-shirt. It was quite dark, but they both wanted to speak to one another before retiring for the night.

 

“You know, I don’t know why I’m taking this so well. I thought I’d still be panicking by now…” Kai commented quietly, to strike up a conversation.

 

“Maybe it’s just how surreal it all feels.” Monika pointed out. “I’m still waiting for the part where I find out that it’s all fake…”

 

Kai chucked “I would try to reassure you, and promise it’s real, but, I’m having a hard time convincing myself.”

 

“Yeah… but either way I’m glad I got to experience such happiness today. It was the happiest I’ve been in my entire life. I don’t want it to end, or turn out to be fake.”

 

“I hope it’s real too,” Kai sighed.

 

“Yo… you do? But… I just suddenly came into your life, and I became a burden…”

 

“No…” Kai stopped the girl right there. “You’re not a burden. I…” She sighed. “I played the game. I got to experience the whole thing and… I had always wanted to help you out. I was just convinced that I couldn’t because, I mean, you were in a game. I thought you were just programmed to act like you were real, and that all of your lines and actions weren’t really your own, but rather part of the lore. However, it doesn’t mean I didn’t feel bad. It was depressing to see the reaction you had when your file got… deleted…” 

 

“R-really? I thought that… you had simply gotten tired of hearing my useless rambling.” Monka mumbled. “At least, I’m sure that’s what drives people away when I beg for them to stay…”

 

“Nono, it’s just… staring at a screen, that rarely changes as text occasionally pops up is weird... Also, the thought that it was just a game was comforting, so, I felt bad in a way someone feels bad for a character in a book or a show. You still close the book or shut off the TV, or in this case, the computer, and you move on because you think that it’s only a story, and there’s no way to actually help the character.”

 

Monika thought about it a bit. “So, I had been cursed to be thought as just a character programmed to mimic suffering in the hell that’s been shown to the word in the form of a game… no amount of begging I did would matter, a normal gaming experience wouldn’t matter, or me being interesting in the end would change nothing…” she looked down, her hand tightly gripping the sheets underneath her. “So, even if some may have cared, even a little, it didn’t matter.  **_I_ ** never mattered. I begged but in the end, nobody actually believed that I was truly trapped. Everything I’ve done for most of my existence has just been useless… Ahaha... I think it hurt less just assuming that nobody cared...” 

 

Kai’s heart sunk. Such a revelation had to hurt. She realized she had pretty much called her fake, but her suffering had been very, very real. “W-well, maybe… maybe that’s why you’re here now. You have a chance to live a fulfilling life. Maybe the suffering wasn’t for nothing, and it’s finally paying off. You weren’t meant to find happiness in the game, it just makes you suffer in the end. So… don’t think your existence doesn’t matter. You still impacted the internet with your story. And now, you still have a chance to be someone, beyond the game. Whether that someone is a star or a normal girl, you can still be happy, and that’s what really matters. I’ll help you as best as I can…” Kai slowly wrapped her arms around Monika, and held her tightly. She had wanted to do that, even before the girl had appeared in her house, she just thought it wasn’t possible before. She was glad that was no longer the case. 

 

Monika turned to Kai and hugged her back burying her face in her shoulder, trying to hold back tears. “I thought all of those people gave me some form of happiness, knowing that they were something real, being with me. But you… you showed me what true happiness is like. This was the best experience I could have asked for…” Kai noticed the grip Monika had on her had tightened considerably, her whole body shivering and her breath becoming shallow. Her shoulder felt wet. “I want this to be real… more than anything. I don’t know how I could bear going back to that place. I can’t deal with this just being a lie. I’m… I’m so scared…” she choked out in a shaky voice. 

 

Kai shushed her gently. “Let’s lay down.” she said quietly, and when they both were tucked in they still held each other. “I’m real, and you’re here. So… you have nothing to worry about, You won’t go back. I’ve got you, I won’t let you go.” she assured, keeping the shaking girl close. "This isn’t the game. There’s no going back. I promise.” In the back of Kai’s mind, she remembered mentioning that she herself found it hard to believe such a thing. While that was true, she wanted to offer Monika some sort of comfort. God knows she needed it more than anyone else. 

 

Slowly, the two managed to let sleep take over, in each other’s arms.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hah, I'm not the most confident about this chapter, but I tried. As always, comments and criticism are truly appreciated.


	4. Teasing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kai is such a tease.

The next day, Monika awoke to an empty bed and a loud whistle once more. With a yawn, Monika sat up and lazily exited the bed. She hasn't fully gotten the hang of the walking thing, but she could still manage to get herself down to the kitchen with little issues. 

 

“Ah, sorry if I woke you up with the teapot.” Kai apologized as she poured steaming hot water into two cups. 

 

“It’s not an issue,” Monika assured, sitting in one of the two chairs that were at the table. The other woman pushed Monika’s cup over to her and took a seat across the table from her. 

 

“So, I’ve gotta work today,” Kai mentioned, inhaling the fragrant earl grey as she let it steep. “I know you just got here, but I need to leave you on your own for about 8 hours.”

 

“Oh. Yeah, okay.”

 

“But before I do that…” the woman discarded her tea bag and took a sip of the dark liquid. “I thought maybe I could show you some of the stuff I have around here. That way you’ll have something to do while I’m gone.” Kai’s expression suddenly became sheepish. “Although… ahm… to be honest, all I’ve mainly got are video games, the internet, and manga.” 

 

“That’s fine. Sounds like it could take up a lot of time.” Monika said, with her normal bright smile. 

 

“And about the game thing…” Kai began in a slightly nervous tone.

 

Monika’s smile turned into a slight frown. “No, don’t get the wrong idea. I don’t hate all video games now or anything. I just… wouldn’t want to revisit mine…” she said before the frown turned up into a smile once more. “Besides, I always wondered how things were like on the other end. Gamers seem to love it, so surely playing something is much more fun than living it. I wanna give it a try!” 

 

“Ah, that’s great,” Kai smiled back.  _ I think I’ll still avoid the visual novels, just in case.  _

 

After finishing up the tea, Kai heated up the last of the leftovers for Monika. The girl insisted that she include the broccoli like last time. 

 

Afterwards, the duo found themselves back in Kai’s room. 

 

“Okay so, over here, we’ve got my collection of oldies. The systems are N64, Gamecube, PS2, original Xbox, and my mom’s barely working Atari that you might as well not touch because I only own it as a keepsake. I’ve got my cabinet here full of categorized games, organized first by system, then by series. So like right here is for GameCube and there’s Sonic, Mario, Crash Bandicoot, etcetera.” Kai gestured to the games as she spoke. “And right here are my newer systems and games, which are organized in the same way. Over here is my PC, which you can use to browse the internet, and you can play whatever’s downloaded. Feel free to use my weeaboo cat ear headphones over there and yell at immature children on some FPS games.” She chuckled at her own joke.

 

“I never noticed you had such a large collection of these game around here…” Monika commented, looking at the consoles with an intrigued expression.

 

“Ah, yeah, a lot of them came from my childhood. My mom would try really hard to get me new games and systems every Christmas. I took care of every last one and made sure to keep them, even as I moved out,” Kai said, staring at the games with fondness. 

 

“Oh, and last but not least, this is my manga collection I’ve built up for 2 years,” she gestured to a large shelf that was close to being filled with sorted out manga series. “You’re free to check out any book on that shelf. I’d uh… maybe avoid the bottom ones, however…” she said slightly nervously. “A-anyways, other than that, there’s a laptop in the living room, and you know how the TV works. If you don’t think there’s anything else you need to know, then I’ll head off to work now.”

 

“I think this is sufficient,” Monica said with a nod. 

 

“Alright, I’ll see you at about 6. I’ll return with more dinner.” She informed before leaving her small apartment.

 

Monika immediately went for the console games, as she’d never seen any before. With her quick learning, she soon got comfortable with operating the controller. She had a great time with them, her favorites being Jak and Daxter along with Crash Bandicoot. About 3 hours were spent on those games before she decided to move to the PC in Kai’s room. 

 

It was highly customized and looked expensive. She stared a the pretty LED lights for a while after turning it on, then moved away to look at the screen. Automatically, the computer logged in and she was greeted with the desktop, which had cute anime girl backgrounds that changed periodically.  _ She wasn’t kidding about the ‘weeb’ thing _ , Monika thought with a chuckle. Taking a quick glance at the game apps present, before her eyes froze, along with her heart.  **_Doki Doki Literature Club_ ** **.** It was right there. Near the bottom of the screen.  _ No… no, don’t hurt yourself like that, Monika _ , she chided herself. 

 

She didn't end up playing any FPS games with immature children. Instead, she found herself on Youtube watching a screaming man-child, a bearded personified meme who’s chair could ‘do this’, a deep-voiced furry lesbian, and funny animal videos. She found herself really immersed in the videos, and was able to kill some hours with that alone. Sighing, she laid back in the chair, thinking about what else there was to possibly do.

 

Glancing over at the large shelf, she saw the manga that was resting on the shelf. It couldn’t hurt to give it a try. Natsuki would be thrilled…. Shaking her head, she stopped thinking about the pink haired character. Instead, she found a random manga at the bottom of the shelf and began reading it.

 

……….

 

“I’m home!” Kai announced, walking through the door balancing two cups of Starbucks coffee and come takeout Chinese food. “I got some stuff from work and some takeout!” she set everything down in the kitchen, then headed up to her room, ready to change out of her Starbucks uniform. Opening the door, she found a red-faced Monika laying on her bed, wide eyes staring closely at the manga in her hands.

 

Oh….

 

Oh dammit.

 

Kai blushed. “Oh, geez. I see you picked one of my few… explicit mangas…” She mumbled, looking away. 

 

“Um… I’m sorry….” Monika apologized, slowly putting the book to the side.

 

“No, no, it’s okay.” Kai insisted. Looking back at the book that still had a finger to mark the spot in the middle of it. Slowly, her embarrassed expression turned into a teasing grin as she came close to Monika. “Though it would seem that you quite enjoy that manga…” 

 

“N-no that’s not… I don’t-” she stuttered, looking away.  

 

“Really? Well, I’m not sure why  _ else  _ you’d read that far or want to keep your spot in it.“ Kai chuckled, raising an eyebrow.

 

“Well y’know, I’m always open to um… trying new things… and this actually has some plot so…” 

 

“Mmmmhmmm,” she hummed in a teasing manner, before brushing a gentle hand past her temple and through her hair, lightly brushing a sensitive ear in the process.That hand the brushed up her neck, slowing to a stop as her chin as she gently lifted Monika’s head to face her. “Try new things, eh?” she purred, running her thumb near the girl’s lips. Kai then moved close their cheeks lightly rubbing, one of which was a bright red, and Monika could faintly feel her breath on her ear, making her tingle. “I’ve got something new you could try… with me…” she whispered in her ear. 

 

“U-um… s-something… with you?” Monika stuttered breathlessly, her face growing redder than before somehow. This wasn’t her imagination anymore, and she was trying to process the physical sensations that were going on at the moment. She didn’t understand why she felt heated and overly nervous, or what was going on with her chest and the blood rushing through her, carrying her blush past her face. 

 

“Yeah…” Kai’s hand slowly trailed down to the collar of her shirt, lightly playing with the first button. She let this carry on for a few seconds before pulling back, leaving Monika confused. “I brought some takeout home, let’s go try that for now.” She said, completely moving away and giggling lightly. “Not like I was trying to do anything else. I’ll go change and get everything ready and you’re free to come down when you please.” Kai gave her a wink before grabbing her clothes and walking out completely normal like nothing had happened. 

 

Monika blinked. It took her a few seconds but she realized that she’d just been teased. 

 

_ That bi- _

 

……….

 

Monika glared at the woman across from her as she ate her lo mein, trying to seem slightly threatening. Kai thought she looked adorable, and she tried not to laugh and upset the girl even more. After a while, Kai spoke. 

 

“Aw c’mon, you’re not gonna be like that all night are ya?” 

 

“...” Monika stuck to glaring.

 

“I was just messing around.”

 

“...” Her glare hardened.

 

“Alright, I won’t do it again, m’kay?”

 

“...” Interestingly, she seemed to look a bit upset at that.

 

“You… want me to do that again?”

 

“...” She looked away.

 

“Oh…” Kai breathed. Of course. She’s technically still a teen and she’s been starved of physical contact and affection of all of her life. Monika likely wasn’t so much angry about her teasing but upset that that’s all it was. She probably wanted more. Kai herself wasn’t exactly ready to do anything like that. They’ve only known each other for a little over two days. Kai’s intentions were only to fluster the girl and get some cute reactions, not make her hot and bothered or anything.

 

Welp. 

 

Monika’s blush returned to her face as she ate, and the two didn’t speak as they finished their meal Kai wordlessly grabbed their dishes and washed them. After putting up the food, Kai then went in the living room to use her laptop for a few hours as Monika went back up into Kai’s room, making sure that manga was put away immediately. 

 

That night, when they went to bed, Kai went to hold Monika but then stopped herself. Sure she held her before, but that was to comfort her as she was scared. Not to mention that thing she did earlier. Her arms retreated but were stopped by Monika, as she put them back around her. 

 

“I… I like being held. It’s… comforting.” She mumbled, turning away and letting out a content sigh. Kai smiles slightly and slowly drifts off to sleep with Monika in her arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I tried to make sure things didn't go too far in this chapter. After all, they're not close enough yet ;)
> 
> I still don't know if I'll actually add actual smut to this story (Which is why it's still rated 'T'). On one side, I think it might add a lot to the story, but I never have actually written smut, so I might not end up doing well. I dunno. But have this for now :D
> 
> As always, comments and criticisms are welcomed.


	5. Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I truly do suck at chapter titles.
> 
> Oh and borderline smut. That's a thing.

It made perfect sense. I knew it was going to happen. I don’t even know why I tried to avoid it in the first place. 

 

Well, that’s not true. I know why, but I don’t understand how I thought it’d work out in the end. Or, maybe I didn’t. But I still tried. 

 

I’ve lived with Kai for about two weeks now and a lot has happened. I got to go out and feel the warm sun, watch some movies in a large, dark theater, eat in a couple restaurants, and try lots of other new things. I began growing accustomed to my body and the world around me. Things began to feel natural and normal, and soon my awkwardness went away. 

 

Some of it, at least.

 

I know Kai finds my reactions to new things I experience to be really weird and awkward. Though she also said it never bothers her and encourages me to enjoy the experience however I wish. She also does her best to get me to try something new every day and that honestly warms my heart so much. 

 

Which is the problem.

 

After telling hundreds of people I loved them and wanted to be with them forever, I took some time to think about my actions. I didn’t have the chance to form a real bond with those people. It seemed more like something I said out of desperation than true love. To a certain degree, I did love those people, as they were my only connection to the world outside of that game. However, for all I knew, most of them could’ve been creeps, or assholes, or generally people I wouldn’t actually like. Not to mention, the game could be beaten in a few hours, so they never stayed long. 

 

So, given this new life, I wanted to calm down and give the whole love thing a break. I wanted to take the time to enjoy the things that I’ve never gotten to experience before and just enjoy myself. 

 

But apparently, it’s not doable. I’m living with a girl who has done more for me in just a few days than thousands of people could do for me in months. I fell fast. And hard.

 

She was just so wonderful and nice. She never had to take me in or go out of her way to make me happy, but she did it anyway. She ignored my awkwardness and encouraged me to do whatever I wanted, as she was very understanding and knew that I never had a chance before. She knew I craved the happiness that I had been deprived of for so long and did her best to give it to me. She was the best friend I could ask for. And yet, I really don’t want to be her friend anymore. 

 

I want to be with her. I want to make her happy too. She does so much for me and I want to do more for her. But I came into this world with nothing. No identity (in reality, that is), no money, no skills and little knowledge of common things in the real world. I’m awkward, too and I feel like I’m a burden. Surely taking care of me can’t be the easiest task. No telling just how much money she spends on me. 

 

As these thoughts float in my mind, said person walks through the door with groceries in hand. I offer to help and together we put away the food and store the bags elsewhere. A few minutes later, she brought out a cardboard case with about 6 bottles in it. 

 

“What’s that?” I questioned. 

 

“Oh, this is just some beer. Say, I was gonna drink and watch a terrible movie for some laughs. Wanna join?” Kai offered with a smile and a drink in both hands now. 

 

I smiled back. “Sure, sounds like fun,” I said taking on of the cans before moving to the couch with her.

 

She cracked open her can, mumbling something about ‘The Room’ and once she found it we were watching one of the best movies known to mankind.

 

“Most of the time, people buy some of that cheap stuff a the corner store. Probably because they can’t afford high-quality beer when they’re always drinking it every day,” Kai mentioned, gesturing towards her can. “But I don’t drink often, so I can actually treat myself.” She then turned her gaze to me and gave me a knowing smile. “I’m curious as to how you’ll like this new thing.”

 

I was also curious. From what little I’ve seen, it seems like people usually acted like idiots when they drink this. It didn’t sound great, but I wasn’t one to pass up something new. So I cracked my own open with a satisfying hiss and started on the can. 

 

……….

 

“Maybe I should have thought this through better…” Kai mumbled to herself as Monika clung to her tightly The lack of personal space was a bit awkward...

 

Well, it was either this or let her apartment get ruined, as Monika unsurprisingly had a distinct lack of control when inebriated. 

 

So throughout the movie, the two sat there, Monika laughing quite loudly at funny parts and Kai constantly trying to convince her not to grab another can. Kai was a little bit past tipsy, but not too bad. After all, she did need to watch over Monika. They were both having a great time, And nothing too strange happened. For a while at least. 

 

Monika began to talk to Kai at some point, obviously much more inebriated than Kai and no longer paying attention to the movie. The movie had eventually ended and they ended up just talking about life and themselves. Their drunken venting went on for a while before Monika asked something that surprised Kai. 

 

“H-hey Kai…” She slurred, her already flushed face becoming a touch darker. “Can I… kiss you?” 

 

Well.

 

Kai paused and blushed, her own face darkening considerably more than Monika’s. “Uh…” Admittedly, Kai had been slightly wanting something like that to happen, but at the same time, she had really hoped it wouldn’t, as she was trying to deal with her unreturned feelings for another person. She wanted to forget about romance and live her life without it for a while to take some time to get over it. But now…

 

Now Monika was right here, practically in her lap, asking to be kissed. _ Well,  _ Kai reasoned,  _ she did say she wanted to experience as much as possible in reality. It’d be mean to deny her that… after all, it’s just a kiss... _

 

Kai nodded and suddenly Monika’s soft lips were roughly placed on Kai’s slightly chapped ones. It was a sloppy kiss, as Monika hadn’t done it before and Kai rarely had the chance to ever do it, making them both quite inexperienced. The beer probably didn’t help either. 

 

Kai was getting lost in Monika’s eyes. Even in the dimmed light that barely managed to penetrate the darkness, those eyes seemed to shine. It drove her to continue forward, leaning into the kiss, deepening it more. Soon Monika was on her back, her eyes closed and her face burning as tongues got involved, Kai’s easily overpowering the younger girl’s.  _ She tastes sweet… _ Kai thought to herself, before slowly pulling away, the string of saliva connecting them quickly breaking.  _ She’s… so beautiful… _ Her lips connected on the edge of Monika’s and then continued to move past her cheek to past her jawline, trailing the kisses down to the crook of her neck, and lightly nipping. Encouraged by the sharp gasp she heard, she licked and sucked the spot gently, relishing in the sensation of her soft skin. 

 

Kai’s hands trailed down Monika’s sides, stopping at her hips as her fingers toyed with the waistband of her pants. She bit and licked her neck for a while before lowering to her collarbone. Kai felt hazy, needing more of the wonderful sounds Monika made at her touches. She moved back to her lips, kissing passionately as Monika moved her hands to Kai’s back, trailing smooth fingers up her spine. With a slight shiver, Kai moved her knee up between Monika’s thighs, feeling her nails slightly dig into her back as her hips began to shift back and forth. Tiny moans and gasps left her mouth as Kai pulled away and let her hands trail underneath her shirt, rubbing her abdomen and getting closer to her breasts as Monika practically melts under her touch. 

 

“Kai…” Monica sighed her name, pulling up one hand to gently caress her long, silky black hair. “I love you…”

 

_ “I really do but… not in that way. I’m sorry Kai.” _

 

In that moment, Kai sobered up. What was she doing? Monika asked for a simple kiss and here she was getting ready to go much, much farther than that. Why did she get carried away like that? There was no way she could do that to Monika, they only knew each other for two weeks. This was the reason she was holding herself back from romantic relationships in the first place. She didn’t want the person she was with to be a substitute yet right now, in the middle of making out and damn near having sex,  **_she_ ** still popped up in her mind. 

 

Kai wasn’t ready. Not yet. 

 

Kai stops and pulls away from Monika, earning a small, disappointed whine and a frown. She hated that she let it get so far, as that must’ve made her stopping much worse. 

 

“I’m… I’m sorry, Monika. But I can’t do that. Not… not right now…” Kai apologized tearfully, facing away from Monika. She couldn’t handle those eyes after that.

Monika, on the other hand, was very concerned. “Did… did I do something wrong?” She asked, her speech still slightly slurred. “I know… I know I have no experience, but-”

 

“No. No, don’t blame yourself. It was just me. I’m uh, haha, kinda stupid. I think I’ll go to bed a little early tonight, I don’t have work in the morning, but I think I’m just a bit tired.” Kai assured before hurrying upstairs and getting ready for bed.

 

Monika was left in the living room. Hot, bothered, and alone. Not knowing exactly what to do about it. 

 

After a while, she decided to silently join Kai, who didn’t cuddle her that night.

 

It was a cold, unsatisfying night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's closer to smut but not quite~  
> I don't think it'll end up being a slow-burn, but things won't go quite that fast.  
> As always, comments and criticism are welcomed.
> 
> Edit: Made a few minor corrections, no need to re-read however~


	6. Time For A Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next morning, Kai and Monika have a talk

Kai didn’t get any sleep that night. She struggled with her thoughts and feelings, unable to shut her brain up. Regret and coldness clawed at her heart, pulling it low as it sank to her stomach, aching and pounding. Her throat burned, nearly closing up as she struggled to breathe and swallow. Brown eyes stung with unshed tears that she refused to let escape, blinking them away as she gripped her head. Beside her was Monika, who squirmed restlessly in her sleep. Kai was a bit jealous of Monika, as she wished she could also sleep, but she figured that she deserved it after what she did.

 

Monika didn’t deserve her.

 

She was a mess. Still, after all this time, she couldn’t get over  **_her_ ** . Kai felt absolutely awful. To make matters worse, she got Monika all worked up and then left her there confused and worried. It shouldn’t have started.

 

“I’m a fucking idiot…” She growled to herself. It was morning time, and she was still in her bed. Inevitably, she’d have to get up at some point and feed herself and Monika. 

 

“Monika…” she’d have to face her today. 

 

“Kai… could you… not speak.” came a pained voice from the other side of the bed.

 

It had to happen sooner than she thought.

 

She swallowed thickly before turning to face her. Immediately she stared into those green eyes of hers. They were filled with pain and… disappointment. Internally, Kai screamed and beat herself up. How could she do this to the poor girl? She should’ve known alcoholic beverages would be the worst idea. Now she had to feel her first hangover, which must be terrible for her. 

 

Ignoring her guilt, Kai walked into the kitchen and fetched a glass of water and an aspirin, before walking back to the room and setting them on the dresser near Monika.

 

“Here, this’ll make it better,” Kai quietly informed. Monika gulped the pill down and went back to holding her head, cursing at the bit of sunlight that entered the room. 

 

Kai went back to the other side of the bed and sat down. There was an uneasy silence as Monika waited for the pain reliever to kick in. Eventually, the hungover girl’s pain was reduced to a dull throb and she sat up on the bed. 

 

“Kai… I don’t think I like alcohol…” Monika mumbled. “I’ll have to try it again sometime,” she chuckled, before managing to smile. 

 

“Monika, I… don’t think that’s the best of ideas,” Kai huffed, shaking her head. This girl was something else.

 

“I mean, it was pretty fun last night… from what I can remember.”   
  
“About last night…” Kai started, looking away from the other girl. “I… I’m sorry for my actions.”

 

Monika sighed. “Honestly, Kai, while it didn’t feel great to be left… unattended… I’m just worried about you. What’s wrong?” 

 

Taking one long, deep breath, Kai began explaining the problem. “Before you came into reality, I had a friend. She was… amazing. Like, she was super creative and fun to talk to. We had a lot of the same interests and she was really sweet. After a year or so I started to like her more than a friend. We had lots of experiences together and she helped me out so much. One day, about a month ago, I managed to gather the courage to ask her out, but… it turns out that she never saw me like that. Our friendship became… awkward… and now we barely talk to each other. In all honesty, I would probably be fine if things had just stayed the same. But I can’t help but have her in my mind, because of how she drifted away from me. I can’t help but think that I just did something completely wrong. She was my best friend, I never saw this coming. And… I still love her. But I need to get over that.

 

“However, last night happened. You asked for a kiss. I knew I should’ve held back, but I didn’t and it went too far. Even worse, I just stopped and left, which I know was terrible too. You… you don’t deserve my bullshit, I’m sorry.” 

 

Monika’s heart stung. “I… it’s alright, Kai-” she began, her throat starting to choke up.

 

“No… no it’s not. You also said last night that you…” She trailed off, before whispering. “Love me.”

 

Looking away, Monika’s face turned a dark shade of red. “O-oh… I said that, huh… w-well it is true. I-I do love you. At first, I was going to try and settle down on the whole love thing, but… after all you’ve done, how could I not love you.”

 

It was Kai’s turn to blush. “R-really it was nothing. It would be terrible if I didn’t help you out. I was just doing what anyone would do, I don’t deserve that love. I’m… I’m a mess, there’s no reason to love me.”

 

Monika brought two hands to Kai’s face, caressing her gently. “You’re a wonderful person, Kai. Not everyone is kind like you are. I’m so glad you were the person I ended up with when coming to reality. I appreciate all of what you’ve done for me and even if you do make mistakes, I don’t care. I still love you.”

 

“I…” Kai started, but found herself speechless. How does she feel about Monika? Well, ever since she appeared, Kai was much happier than before. She looked forward to spending time with the other girl and enjoyed her reactions when she experienced something new. Did she… love her? Kai was still unsure. “I’m so happy that you appeared here, you gave me something to look forward to every day. I truly do care for you a great deal. I just… don’t fully know what my feelings are about you because I’m struggling with my feelings with  _ her _ . Honestly, the last thing I want is for you to be some sort of replacement, or ‘second best’ person… You deserve much better than that.”

 

“Kai, I don’t care-”

 

“I  _ do _ care because you’re a great person, Monika. Please, let me solve this before trying to explore our relationship further.”

 

“...Alright, if that’s what you prefer. At the very least, I appreciate the respect you’re showing me. Thank you, Kai. Also, I don’t hold anything against you,” Monika said with a sigh before leaning over and kissing her cheek. “How about I make the tea today, hm?” not waiting for an answer, she got up and headed towards the kitchen.

 

Kai was frozen in place, her cheek still tingling with the lingering sensation of Monika’s kiss. Her face was flushed, though it had only been a small kiss. It wasn’t even on the lips. Yet here she was, her heart skipping at the touch of those soft lips of hers. Kai sighed.

 

“God damn feelings-”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I included some art of Kai at the bottom, so you can finally know how she looks. Art is by me.
> 
> Any comments or constructive criticism is appreciated. I read them all, even the ones I don't end up replying to, and I appreciate them a lot


	7. Trauma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Monika should not have done it. 
> 
> But she did.

_ She doesn’t return my feelings.  _

 

After the conversation a week ago, things had grown awkward between us. Quiet dinners, lackluster greetings and we barely go out to visit places and try stuff anymore. I felt awful, she was constantly feeling bad all of the time and I could do nothing. I was asked, on multiple occasions, to leave her be. It’s starting to worry me.

 

Kai’s self-exploration stuff was understandable. She already had some issues and I just kinda popped into her life, somehow. However, it’s gone on for a while. It’s like she’s got herself stuck in this state and refuses to leave. I just wanna hug her and never let go. But I just can’t seem to get close.

 

I was at a loss. I thought all I would need when I came into this world was the one person I truly loved, nothing more. However, it’d be really nice right now if I had someone to ask for some advice or at least talk to about it. Maybe revolving my life around one person  _ wasn’t  _ exactly the best thing to do. That must be the importance of friends. However, there was nothing to do about it.

 

I’ve found myself playing video games and reading manga very often lately. With no job, nobody to talk to, and nothing else but TV to distract me, I could now see the appeal of these things. I hadn’t understood otakus before but now I pretty much was one. How ironic.

 

In my boredom, I had found myself on the internet again. I was just now checking out Tumblr, which I had recently found myself at pretty often now. Without meaning to, I ran into a post about Sayori. Another hanging joke. I frowned slightly, scrolling away with a quiet huff. The game was still very popular and it wasn’t hard to run into that stuff by accident. Speaking of the game…

 

I find myself on the desktop, staring at the game icon.  _ I shouldn’t do this _ , I tell myself. I knew this to be true but…

 

I find myself greeted with a familiar energetic tune, an energetic “Doki Doki!” emitting from the speakers as a warning flashed briefly on the screen. I’m met with the title screen and my face. My body. My eyes. Sayori, Natsuki and Yuri were also there, but I could only fixate my eyes on what was supposed to me. I was drawn to look lively and full of energy but… to me, it looks dead, stiff and soulless. I take a calming breath.

 

It’s not so bad. 

 

I hesitantly choose ‘New Game’. 

 

Kai already saw everything there was to see, surely she wouldn’t mind me erasing her gameplay.

 

I’m greeted with the text, the generic background and new music that was just as lively as before. 

 

I hate it.

 

This isn’t a happy place. It isn’t carefree. There isn’t any life there. Just… pain and emptiness. It’s cold, and anyone there can’t help but feel absolutely hopeless. You can’t be happy in or out of this fucking game because nobody can have what they desire. The player can’t have a happy experience with the characters, and for those in there… it’s torture. You either don’t have free will or you have too much and can’t belong, hoping and praying to some god you don’t believe that you can just leave. You have too much knowledge, power, and yet you’re trapped, with nowhere to go, nobody to talk to but the goddamn code- 

 

_ Inhale. Exhale. Breathe, Monika… _

 

I can feel the wetness in my eyes. I ignore it.

 

I’m greeted with the image of Sayori. God, she looks just as dead on the screen as in the game. A flat, 2D file, programmed to suffer. At the very least it’s somewhat comforting to know that her suffering isn’t exactly real. That was… that’s my friend. I wish that she could be with me now, and be able to think and act for herself, see the things I’ve seen. Feel the wind and love the air around her. This place is sick.

 

It’s awful, and I just keep clicking, clicking, clicking.

 

It reminds me of the thousands of clicks I had to listen to while in the game. Some slow, some as fast as humanly possible. It’s the sound of pleas for help being disregarded. Because all they could ever do was click and move on.

 

I shudder and soon I can’t stop. I’m engrossed in the game. Everything I see gives me nothing but bad memories, but I don’t stop. I don’t know why. I don’t know what sick, self-destructive desires drive me to keep going. I can feel vomit at the back of my throat, burning. I’m losing myself, drowning in the words, the fucking fake words, the happy facade that hides the torture. 

 

I feel like I’m there, I’m in that same room.

 

The room is empty. I feel so, so empty.

 

The same images flashing and I realize that’s all I ever was. I was just… a few images with slight animations. Truly, my life was the most pointless thing in existence. How could someone want that? How did I think I had a chance? Of course they didn’t want to stay with me, there was nothing to stay with. I was nobody. 

 

_ Haha, I’m still nobody. _

 

I force down the vomit. I don’t want to make a mess.

 

_ I  _ **_am_ ** _ the mess.  _

 

I click through Monika’s obvious forceful attempts to get me to stay. Disgusting. 

 

Who would want to stay with you, Monika? You’re nothing. Easily used and tossed aside like a whore. You shouldn’t have been created.

 

_ Why…  _ **_why_ ** _ was I created? _

 

And now, it was just Monika, staring at me with those eyes, or shall I say pixels that were made to look pretty. They made me sick. She’s saying a bunch of blurry nonsense. I’m getting dizzy. DId I remember to breathe? The room was dark. Monika wasn’t there anymore. I feel flat. I feel that loneliness. I can’t move. I’m in that room! I the clicking sounds distant, just like when I was trapped. I’m trapped. Kai isn’t here, there’s no sun, no air. The code is there. I can see the code clearly now. I knew it was too good to be true. I had gone insane, and I thought that somebody actually, truly loved me. Nobody loved me. 

 

I try to scream but I can’t hear myself. I can’t make a peep. 

 

I wanna go back. I want to leave. I want Kai.

 

Don’t take me away.  **_Don’t take me away-_ **

 

“...nika! Monika!  _ Monika! _ ” My body is now moving, but not on its own. I’m shaking. Blinking, I notice that I hadn’t actually gone into the club room. This was Kai’s bedroom. Kai was here with me, her hands on my shoulders and her face full of worry. There are tears on my face, my throat burns and there’s the disgusting taste of vomit in my mouth. There’s some on the floor and running down my body too. I felt terrible and disgusting.

 

“I’m an idiot… I knew I should’ve deleted that game.” Kai muttered, closing the game and immediately moving the application to the garbage icon. 

 

_ No, don’t blame yourself.  _ **_I’m_ ** _ the idiot. _

 

“Come on, sweetie,” she cooed as if speaking to a scared child. “Let’s get you cleaned up…” 

 

I was actually carried to the bathroom. I’m sure that if she’d given me a while, I could’ve gone on my own. But no, I instead sobbed like the child I am. In the bathroom, I sat defeated as Kai said nothing but comforting words, getting those soiled clothes off of me, cleaning me up and before I knew it, I was back to being fresh. I wanted desperately to push her aside and take care of it on my own, she didn’t need to do this for me. But my hands were trembling, and my arms felt weak  _ Useless. Completely useless.  _

 

And then those wonderful arms, that never really looked too strong, held me once more as I was taken to the living room. The warmth of her arms left me as she gently laid me on her couch and left to take care of the mess I made in her room.

 

_ I’m a burden. I shouldn’t be here. _

 

I almost wanted to die, but honestly, I didn’t want to bother Kai with removing my corpse either. 

 

_ Even in death, I’d be nothing but a problem. _

 

I wanted to scream.

 

That’d bother Kai.

I must be nothing but a bother to her. No wonder she doesn’t feel the same as I do for her. She must be doing this purely out of pity. God, I’m terrible.

 

And I’m still shaking quite violently. I want to leave. I don’t want Kai to have to deal with me.

 

I can’t move right. 

 

The tears are spilling out of my eyes again. I was weeping, my whole body wracked by sobs that I had absolutely no hope of holding back.

 

And then, Kai had returned from cleaning my disgusting mess. The woman had that terribly worried look again. It really didn’t suit her pretty face. I made it like that. 

 

She sat next to me, put me on her lap and hugged me. My quaking hands grip her shirt as best as they can and I’m doing the ugliest crying possible. It’s my fault. I sat there and I opened that game and-

  
I feel soft and impossibly gentle lips press against my sweating forehead.  _ Ugh, I’m gross _ , I note but I’m distracted by the slight tingle in that spot. She’s back to saying comforting words to me and my breathing starts to calm eventually. My eyes feel heavy. I shouldn’t sleep here. Not on her. But my eyes won’t listen, and I succumb to the darkness I’ve come to love so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got so immersed in that, jeez. Wrote it all on the way home and closed myself in my room. Hope you like it. Constructive criticism is appreciated!


	8. Decisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kai makes a decision.

_ Why, for the love of god, why did I leave that game up? _

 

When Kai came home from work to hear screaming and crying, she instantly felt dread. She knew she shouldn’t have left it up. She could’ve prevented this whole thing. Now, Monika was sleeping in her arms, too exhausted to panic. This didn’t need to happen.

 

As the girl lightly snored into her chest, curled up on Kai as if she were a large cat, she got lost in her thoughts. Upon coming into her room and seeing the girl screaming and covered in vomit, her heart felt like it shattered into tiny pieces. It hurt to see Monika like that. Not to mention it was all because of her.

 

She needed to do better.

 

She could probably start by not ignoring Monika. It wasn’t intended to be bad or anything but she knew Monika didn’t like that. Kai noticed when Monika attempted to get close. And like the asshole she was, she just distanced herself more. At this point, she just wondered whether she should just… let  _ her _ go completely and move on. And be with Monika. The thought actually sounded appealing to Kai. Maybe all of this worrying and pain wasn’t worth it. Even if things didn’t work out in the end, she could still try. 

 

Monika was a wonderful girl, after all. She’s a wonderful girl who loves her and well…   
  
_ I think I might love her back. _

 

Kai thought of how terrible it must’ve felt for Monika to worry about the person she loved as she was ignored because of another girl. 

 

_ But… I shouldn’t go out with her just out of an obligation to make her feel better. _

 

...Was it just an obligation?

 

As she cradled Monika in her arms, she noticed that it felt nice being this close to her. She was cuddled close, her head resting in the crook of Kai’s neck, her soft breathing lightly tickling her chest. Maybe… maybe she really did like Monika in that way. She hasn’t known her for too long but after everything, she couldn’t deny that there was something there. It didn’t feel like just an obligation. They could probably make this work.

 

At that moment, Monika stirred and yawned, blinking rapidly.

 

“Mummmph?” whatever she had said was muffled as her face was pressed against Kai. Monika blinked and flinched as she realized she was using Kai as a large pillow.

 

“Hey, it’s fine. I don’t mind.” Kai said, running a hand through Monika’s hair comfortingly. 

 

“I’m sorry…” Monika mumbled, sighing as she rested back against Kai.

 

“I should be apologizing right now…” Kai frowned. “I’m sorry I didn’t get rid of that game. You didn’t need to see it or play it. I’m done with it, so there was no point of keeping it.”

 

“N-no…” Monika stuttered, lifting her head up and looking at Kai. “It was my fault. I knew it would hurt, but I was stupid and I did it anyway.”

 

“Well, no matter, it won’t happen again,” Kai assured. “I got rid of it. I don’t want you to go through that again.”

 

“Kai…” Monika sighed. “I’m sorry you have to deal with so much from me. I’ve done nothing but mooch off of you and be a burden. And then you came home to my stupidity and I…” tears started to form in her eyes. “...I really wish I could make you happy too. But I’m just so… useless. I can’t do anything for you… I couldn’t even help you when you felt so unsure of your own feelings. You looked so sad but I couldn’t even make you smile. But you still do so much for me and I don’t understand  _ why _ -”

 

“Monika, stop.” Kai interrupted, putting a finger to Monika’s lips. “I did all of those things because I care about you. You’re still so new to this world, and I can’t just expect you to be able to do a lot for me. You needed help, so I gave you help. And honestly? I haven’t had so much fun in such a long time. You honestly make me really happy, Monika.” 

 

“I do? But…” Monika started.

 

“You truly do make me happy. And I’ve had some time to really think, so…” Kai blushed, looking away. “I think I’d like to be with you.”

 

Monika gaped at Kai. “Y-you mean…” she trailed off, her eyes wide. 

 

“Yeah. I want to go out with you. If… if that’s okay…” Kai confirmed with a shy nod.

 

Tears began falling down Monika’s face. She couldn’t believe it. “Y-yes! I’ve wanted that for so long, Kai!” She hugged Kai tightly, who blushed in response. “W-what did I do to deserve an angel like, you, Kai?”

 

“I should be asking you that question.”

 

“But I’m not-” Monika was interrupted by a gentle kiss from Kai.

 

“Don’t put yourself down,” Kai whispered, kissing her again, as her hand traced down Monika’s spine. Her other hand, which had previously been unoccupied, gently caressed the side of Monika’s face. “You’re wonderful, Monika. I feel so lucky to have you by my side…” She said, peppering her face and neck with kisses, making sure Monika felt loved. That’s what she needed right now. Her hands gently trailed along Monika’s body, lingering when she found a particularly sensitive spot. It was much better when her mind wasn’t in a drunken haze, as she could truly enjoy the small reactions from Monika, her tiny gasps and sighs sounding like music to Kai’s ears.

 

Monika felt pure bliss, the loving kisses and gentle touches from Kai making her feel as if she was melting into the other girl’s hands. Her embrace was warm and loving and her kisses made her heart flutter. She couldn’t help but smile as she was caressed by her caring hands, pulling Kai closer into a deep kiss, running a tongue along the older girl’s lips. Kai’s lips parted, and soon their tongues swirled against each other into another sloppy kiss. Fueled by passion, their kiss deepened more, Monika’s arms making their way around Kai’s neck as they leaned into each other. 

 

The two eventually parted, gasping for breath as they stared lovingly into each other’s eyes. 

 

“I love you so much, Kai…” Monika whispered,  laying against Kai again. They stayed like that for a long time, holding each other, happy about their new relationship.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've got more art for this chapter, this time with kai and Monika embracing. Sorry, it kinda sucks, it was a rather quick one. I was writing this with an illness that I'm still dealing with (I think it may be the flu), and I also drew that while sick, haha. I've got a killer headache but I really wanted to post another chapter for you guys. 
> 
> As per usual, comments and criticism are deeply appreciated.


	9. Something New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kai and Monika head to an amusement park.

“C’mon, let’s go out today and try something new!” 

 

Monika perks up at that, looking like an excited puppy. Kai had just walked in the door holding two frappes in her hands and smiling widely. She hadn’t even changed out of her Starbucks uniform yet. 

 

“Really? Where to?” Monika asked as a smile spread across her face. She hasn’t been out in a while.

 

“An amusement park!” Kai beamed with a lot of enthusiasm. She reminded Monika of Sayori.  _ Stop that, Monika… _

 

“Oh! I’ve always wanted to go to one of those!” Monika said, enthusiasm clear in her voice. 

 

Kai giggled. “I bet so! It’s so much fun, and I just got paid, and I have a couple days off. Even better!” she made her way up to her room to change out of her uniform and came back not too long after, adorning a flannel shirt and a Pink Floyd tee underneath with some dark jeans and a dark grey beanie. “Alright, I’ve got my edgy teen look goin’ on. Go ahead and get changed if you want, I’m gonna grab a few things.” 

 

Monika nodded and hurried upstairs. It had been such a long time since she was able to spend time with Kai like this is she was really looking forward to it. Looking through the closet, she pulled out a pastel pink shirt and jean shorts, slipping into them before pulling away the bow in her hair, letting it loose. Adding a small silver necklace, and a couple bracelets, she looked over herself for a moment before deciding it was okay and heading back downstairs. 

 

“Hey, ready to head out?” Kai asked, sipping on her cold coffee treat, and handing Monika her own.

 

“Yeah,” Monika nodded, grabbing her own and taking a sip from the straw. 

 

The two headed out of the door and headed outside. Monika smiled as she breathed in the fresh air and felt the sun’s warm rays on her skin. While she found Kai’s games and manga to be interesting and fun, nothing could beat going outside and having a nice time.

 

The girls got onto a bus which would take them to the amusement park. It was a pretty long ride, but neither of them minded as they sat really close and enjoyed each other’s company. They ignored a look from a particular passenger, who huffed in disapproval at their obvious affection towards each other. They instead got a little closer, smiling as they made their way to their destination.

 

Once they arrived, Kai was quick to pull Monika to the nearest roller coaster after paying for their entrance ticket. The line was long, so Monika had the chance to see the terrified faces of people zooming on a structure that, to Monika, could stand to be much more stable than it looked like, and maybe  _ not  _ be constructed with wood of all things-

 

“You alright Monika?” Kai asked, raising an eyebrow at Monika who looked pale. “Nervous?”

 

Monika blinked. “Uhm… no, no, I’m perfectly fine. Just peachy. Tired of waiting on this slow line, y’know?” Honestly, she wished it just wouldn’t move at all. Wasn’t there like, a corny and slow tunnel of love ride somewhere. It’s much more romantic and, most importantly,  _ safe _ .

 

Kai smirked. “Whatever you say.” 

 

It turned out that despite the line crawling forward as slowly as it could, Monika found herself not quite ready to get on the roller coaster.  _ Scrawny seatbelts… and that bar is supposed to help? _ Monika thought, eying the ride warily. Kai seemed pretty enthusiastic.  _ What if she’s just really suicidal or something- _

 

“Monika? C’mon, we can’t hold everyone up.” Kai said sitting in a seat and patting the one next to her. Monika breathed. She doesn’t  _ think _ Kai’s suicidal. 

 

Thus she finds herself hastily strapped into a death trap, waiting for her impending doom.

 

With a sudden jerk, the ride starts moving, climbing steadily up the incline. It doesn’t feel right already. Was it too late to back out? The drop was getting closer, closer… A hand suddenly grips her own, and she looks over to see Kai giving her a reassuring smile. Monika smiled back. She was okay. She had Kai-

 

Was what she thought until they raced down the first drop and she screamed for her life.

 

……….

 

Kai’s hand throbbed as they walked away from the roller coaster.  _ She has a death grip… _ Kai noted, deciding that maybe Monika should  _ not _ get onto another roller coaster. Instead, they decided to go play some totally-not-rigged-at-all games to try and win some prizes. Most of them were of course rigged, but soon they came across a “Shoot the Star” booth. Kai grinned, leading the two over to it. 

 

“Hello, there gals! Lookin’ to try and win a prize? All ya gotta do is shoot at this red star on this target until it’s completely gone! Simple, right?” The guy at the counter flashed a friendly smile, gesturing towards the paper targets. 

 

“Hey Monika, wanna try this one first?” Kai asked, handing the cheery man some cash. 

 

“Oh, sure,” Monika nodded, grabbing one of the fake guns that were chained to the table. 

 

“Alright, so you’ve got 100 bullets. Good luck,” the man informed with a chuckle. He knew she wouldn’t win. 

 

Monika shrugged and aimed, tapping the trigger a few times to get a feel for it. Bullets shot out in rapid succession each time, creating a few holes right below the star. She then held her finger against the trigger, the bullets rushing out as she tried to demolish the star on the paper.

 

_ Click! _ She was suddenly out of bullets within seconds and the man in the booth shook his head, pulling the paper away. A little bit of red was left.

 

“Sorry about that, you’ll have to try it again, miss.” The man informed with that same smile. 

 

Kai smiled, handing him more cash. “That’s for two more games,” she said, picking up the fake gun as he put up another target. 

 

Like Monika, the made a few quick taps to the target, but this time it was to confirm something. Just like she thought, the sight on the gun wasn’t too precise. Her shots were lower than where she aimed. She had an idea of how to go about it.

 

The fake bullets rained from the gun, and soon…

 

_ Click! _

 

There was a small area of red left. 

 

The worker chuckled once more. “Whoops. Better luck next time, eh?” He seemed to enjoy the continuous failures he saw. Kai paid him no mind as he replaced the target with another one. Kai smiled.

 

This time, Kai’s finger squeezed and never retracted. The bullets flew out violently, tearing the star away in the process. 

 

_ Click! _

 

Kai lowered the gun and smiles as none of the star was left on the target. The worker blinked. He didn’t seem quite as cheery as before.

 

“Ah, um, well, congrats. You won. You can pick any of the prizes from up here.” he said, pointing at the prize rack. 

“Hm… I like that cute brown bear with the green eyes, so I want that,” Kai beamed as the man nodded and handed the girl her prize.

 

“That is a pretty cute bear,” Monika commented, grinning at the bear. Its brown fur was super soft and it had a large white bow around its neck.

 

The two walked off from the booth with the large bear, running their hands through the soft silky fluff. They found themselves at many other booths, with Kai occasionally winning gifts for them both. Monika was getting frustrated. Kai kept getting stuff for her, but she wasn’t getting anything herself. She sucked at every game, but she really wanted to win something for Kai too. 

 

Monika turned and stopped at a Milk Bottle game booth. Kai frowned slightly, glancing at the bottles and shaking her head. There was a woman in the booth giving a friendly smile.

 

“Monika this is probably gonna be one of the most rigged games here. I wouldn’t be surprised if the things were filled with heavy lead. Plus,” She picked up a softball, squishing it a bit. “These were made to be pretty damn light.”

 

The woman’s smile faltered a bit as a small bead of sweat fell down her forehead. “N-now now there’s no lead in these…” She said nervously. 

 

“It’s still probably rigged anyway isn’t it?”

 

She didn’t respond. 

 

“Could I still give it a go?” Monika asked. 

 

“Be my guest,” Kai shrugged.

 

Kai paid and seconds later, Monika had the pathetic softball in her hand. She let out a breath, determined to win something for Kai. Her hands gripped the ball tightly as she got ready for her throw. She’d put everything into this. She had to win something. With a determined frown, she put her whole body into the throw, the softball flying into the bottles. The top one fell quickly, one of the ones underneath following ut. The last one, however, wobbled.

 

Monika, Kai, and even the worker stared intently, holding their breaths. Did she actually manage to knock them all down, despite it being rigged? Was she truly determined enough to do the impossible? Is the power of true love an actual thing?

 

The wobbling slowed to a stop and the bottle was right back in its original position. All of their faces fell. Monika frowned and huffed. 

 

“Aw, it’s okay Monika.” Kai said with a sympathetic smile. “It’s only a rigged game designed for you to lose.”

 

“Yeah, you’re right,” Monika nodded, but she still didn’t look satisfied. Kai sighed and the two walked away from the booth. The sun was just beginning to set as the two ended up at a huge Ferris wheel. As the two climbed into a seat together, Kai looked at Monika. 

 

“You still upset over that game?” She asked after the ride started.

 

Monika shook her head. “It’s not so much about just that game, but… It’s just that you got me all these cute prizes and I wasn’t able to win anything for you.” 

 

“Ohhh that’s what it is,” Kai chuckled, shaking her head. “C’mon that doesn’t matter so much. Why bother with plushies and stuff when I can just enjoy spending time with you?” 

 

Monika blushed and her frown softened a bit. “W-well still…” she mumbled, looking away. God, she was so adorable. “I wanted to get you something regardless.”

 

“I have an idea of something you can give me…” Kai purred, suddenly close to Monika’s ear. Her face heated up, but that didn’t stop her from turning to Kai and pushing her lips against the other woman’s.

 

The kiss was sweet and long and left both girls feeling warm as their hearts fluttered. Afterwards, they ended up enjoying the ride together, admiring the sunset and talking about random things. Soon the ride came to an end and they exited the seat. Together, they headed away to the exit of the amusement park and were on their way to get onto a bus.

 

That is until Kai saw someone.

  
It was  **_Her_ ** .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha, I've only been to an amusement park maybe twice in my life lol help-
> 
> No art for this chapter but I reeeeeally wanted to. Oh well.  
> As always, comments and criticism is very appreciated.


	10. Faith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kai runs into 'Her'.

Kai sucked in a breath, halting abruptly and almost tripping on herself. Monika stopped a little later, before turning around. She was very confused and came back to Kai’s side, asking if she was okay.

 

Was she okay?

 

“I-I’m fine, no worries,” Kai said with a smile that looked just a little bit forced. 

 

“Kai?” A silvery voice called out as the other woman recognized her. Kai’s smile faltered just slightly. 

 

“H-hey, Faith…” Kai stuttered out uneasily. Faith hadn’t actually called out to her or initiated conversation with her in a very long time. It felt weird and slightly uncomfortable. She notices how Faith’s eyes briefly flick over to Monika as she walks over. Her somewhat messy brown hair rested slightly below her shoulders, the slight breeze touseling it a bit. She was dressed in a black jacket and a purple shirt with some black yoga pants, which hugged her small, thin body, showing off the slight curviness of her hips. She never tried to hard to stand out or look attractive, but she was naturally beautiful, her cute smiles and shining blue eyes drawing looks from anyone passing by. She didn’t prefer a lot of attention but was okay with it despite her being quite reserved.  

 

“Hi Kai…” Her voice is slightly taut and Kai could tell she felt a bit awkward about meeting her. “Um… how have you been?” She asks her smile starting to look a bit strained. 

 

“I’ve been… good…” Kai glanced over to Monika briefly. “Great, even.” 

 

Faith’s smile was still strained as the awkwardness had not left, but she still seemed happy to hear that. “Good! That’s… really good. I’m glad you’ve been doing well, Kai…”

 

“So... y’know what, I don’t want to dance around it. What’s up? You haven’t talked to me in weeks, so what’s different today?” Kai questioned, ignoring the tense atmosphere around them. They’d sit here mumbling shyly forever if they didn’t stop.

 

“Right… Um. Sorry about that, by the way… I hope it didn’t bother you too much when I became… scarce,” she apologized, frowning a bit. “I mean, I feel pretty bad, though I was trying to help you…”

 

“Help me? By just… Not talking to me? Not even acting like a friend to me? Really, Faith?” Kai said disbelievingly.

 

“Well… yeah, actually. I wanted to give you space because if I’m completely honest, Kai… you are very  _ clingy.  _ I honestly don’t mind it, but I knew that if I just let you cling to me like that, you’d probably just give up on moving on because you’d only want me. I couldn’t just sit there and let you do that to yourself.” She explained fiddling with her hair.

 

“I…” Kai hesitated, taking in this new information. She was quite peeved that Faith would just wordlessly grow distant, but she had a point. Kai definitely did cling hopelessly when there was someone she loved and in all of her experiences, it usually ended with pain and her refusing to move on to someone else for a long time. “Okay… but still, I honestly feared for our friendship. I thought you were disgusted with me.”

 

“I’m sorry Kai. Maybe there was a better way to go about it, and I just couldn’t see it, but what’s done is done. I just want to go back to being good friends, if that’s okay with you. I actually missed hanging out with you a lot…” Faith admitted with a sigh.

 

“Yeah, we could do that. I honestly missed hanging out too.” Kai said, a small smile growing on her face. 

 

The two smiled at each other for a few moments, glad to finally be talking to one another again until Kai frowned, realizing something. “Wait… if you were trying to wait until I moved on… why’d you just randomly walk up to me as soon as you see me in public?”

 

“Weeell, it wasn’t  _ completely _ random. You see, I happened to be glancing up at the ferris wheel not too long ago. It’s not rare for people to kiss romantically up there, but I sure wasn’t expecting for you to be one of those people. Especially so quickly. I thought it’d take a bit longer for you to find someone but…” Faith’s eye’s focused on Monika, who had been awkwardly standing slightly off to the side, keeping quiet. “It would seem that you’ve gotten quite the catch.” Monika blushed a bit, looking away.

 

“Ah… y-you saw that…” Kai mumbled, her face growing red as well. “Y-yeah, we’re uh… together. I didn’t see it coming or anything but it just sorta… happened, and I’m so glad it did.”

 

“I’m happy for you!” She exclaimed, excited that Kai found someone to make her happy. She then turned to Monika “ So, what’s your name?” Faith asked her with a friendly smile.

 

“Monika,” she replied with a small nervous smile. She had initially been distrustful and a bit jealous towards the woman after realizing this was the person Kai had fallen head over heels for. However, after listening to the confrontation, she realized that had Faith not done what she did, she probably wouldn’t have had a chance to try out a relationship with Kai. Not to mention the woman had good intentions. Now, however, her main concern was trying not to seem odd or awkward. She’s only really spoken to Kai before and holding a conversation with this new girl would be completely new to her. She was nervous. 

 

“Well, it’s nice to meet you, Monika. I’m sorry we had to meet in such an… awkward way,” Faith apologized with a sheepish smile, twirling a lock of hair with her finger.

 

“Nono, it’s fine. I’m just glad this whole thing got settled between you two,” said Monika.

 

“Ah, by the way, Monika…” Faith began, glancing at Kai before looking the other girl in the eye. “Please, please do your best to give Kai the happiness I couldn’t provide. She’s really sweet, and I can tell she really cares about you. I’d love to see her happy, and you seem to make her smile,” She murmured quietly to Monika. Kai could hear if she tried, but she wasn’t really trying. 

 

“I will, no worries. I want nothing more than to make her happy,” Monika said earnestly. She really did hope to make Kai happy, despite the little she could offer her. It was something she wasn’t too confident about, but she would definitely try her best.

  
  


“Thank you so much, Monika. I’m glad you two found each other,” Faith thanked Monika before addressing both of them. “Well, I’ve gotta go, but I really hope you two work out well. Really, you’re both super cute together, and I want the best for you,” Faith hugged both Kai and Monika, who hesitated before hugging back. “I’ll be seeing you later. I hope my presence wasn’t too unwelcome, I know I just kinda popped up. I didn't want to ruin your date.” 

 

“Nah it’s okay. I’m just glad it’s over with.” Kai said with a small smile. 

 

They parted ways and the couple headed home to their apartment. On the ride home, Monika was lost in thought. She had expected that the encounter with Kai’s friend to be much worse than it had been. It was a relief, especially since it happened at the end of their date.

 

Monika blinked and blushed. A ‘date’. That’s what they just did, right? Faith even called it one, though she didn't actually notice at the time. A smile crept onto her face as her blush darkened. Her first date with Kai was really fun, and it even got romantic at the end. Despite how corny a kiss on a ferris wheel during the sunset was, it still made her heart flutter. She couldn’t help but lean happily into Kai and hold her hand for the rest of the ride home. Kai blushed but didn’t pull away, slightly leaning back into Monika.

 

The couple made it back home soon and immediately got changed into comfy clothes. After a day of excitement, they were ready to sit back and calm down. There were questions to ask and things to discuss, but not now. For now, the two cuddled together on the bed, enjoying each other’s company before falling asleep together in each other’s loving embrace. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to make art for this so bad, but I can't unfortunately. I lost the USB for my drawing tablet and I'm waiting until next Friday to be able to get a new one. I might do some sketchbook doodles and scan them though :D
> 
> Sorry if this chapter fell short. I was on the fence about whether I wanted the encounter to be awful or end well, and I decided to challenge myself and make it go well. I'm more comfortable with writing drama and angst, so this was honestly pretty challenging to write. It's just that, I intended for this story to be mostly fluff with the occasional angst mixed in, but most of the time when I plan for that, it just ends up being a whole lotta angst. So I tried, lol. It doesn't help that I mainly plan this story one chapter at a time. But I'll do my best.


	11. Selfish

Monika woke up and felt a little off. It was dark. She couldn’t sleep. Frowning, she got up from the warmth of Kai and the bed’s covers. Her bare feet were greeted with the cold hardwood floor, which felt very uncomfortable. She couldn’t find it in her to care or notice. 

 

_ Maybe I’ll get some water and return to bed, _ she thought to herself as she crept out of the room as silent as can be, careful not to be too loud so as not to disturb Kai. Her lover’s soft snoring faded away into nothingness as she silently walked through the living room to the kitchen. Opening up the fridge, she grabbed a cold water and took a few gulps. 

 

As the cool liquid hit her tongue, things didn’t get better. Pulling the bottle away from her downturned lips, she was tense. The atmosphere was wrong, somehow. The air felt terribly thick as if a knife could cut through it and a chill ran down her spine. Her breath became labored as her anxiety rose. Something was wrong. Very, very wrong.

 

Maybe Kai could help? She silently rushed towards the stairs until…

 

“Monika…” A dead voice called out to her. It sounded eerily familiar. She paused and turned slowly as her heart stopped. 

 

Sayori was there. But… but she couldn’t be! She was trapped in that game. With a gasp, Monika retreated further. 

 

“Sa… Sayori?” Monika croaked out as regret flooded her heart.

 

“Why’d you leave us?” Sayori asked with a tilt of her head, pointing a bloody finger at Monika. Her neck was severely bruised, and her face was pale, her figure illuminated with only the moonlight pouring through the windows which didn’t make her look any less creepy. 

 

“I...I-” Monika stuttered, barely able to breathe.

 

“We’re stuck in this fucking hell, Monika. You left us there. You get to be free and we’re just gonna stuffer. Because of you,” Natsuki growled, appearing behind her. Her face was nowhere to be seen. Monika choked in surprise at her appearance.

 

“Sometimes, I like pain…” Yuri started from her right side, glaring at her with those disturbing eyes of hers. “But the pain you’ve left us to sit and endure for eternity is far more than any human being should ever have to deal with. But I guess we weren’t really people to you, were we? We never actually mattered.”

 

“W-wait, I don’t…. I-I…” Her voice became weak and she sunk to her knees, shaking as tears fell down her face. This wasn’t okay. She didn’t want to leave them. This isn’t what she wanted for them.

 

“You got what you wanted. You’re frolicking around with that woman. You get all that happiness and you  _ ignore  _ us. Never spared us a second thought. Suppressing your memory of us. We meant  **_nothing_ ** to you, Monika. Why?” Sayori said, her voice harsh and unforgiving as she got closer. Monika scrambled back into Natsuki.

 

“What? Trying to run away? Fucking coward. You’re pathetic. I can’t believe you were the one to escape and have freedom and happiness. You sure as hell don’t deserve it,” Natsuki spat as the others came closer and closer. Her heart pumped rapidly and sweat ran down her forehead. Colors and shadows merged together into a mess, and their voices became distorted. But she could occasionally hear coherent words, and they rang through her skull as she sobbed and clutched at random strands of her hair.  _ Disgusting. Monster. Useless. Pathetic. Selfish, selfish, selfish,  _ **_SELFISH-_ **

 

“Monika.” 

 

_ I am selfish, aren’t I? They’re still trapped. I ignored it. I ignored them.  _

 

“Hey, Monika.”

 

_ I  _ **_ignored_ ** _ them. For all that time they were all I had and I ignored them. I didn’t try to save them. I didn’t try to think about them. I’m a fucking monster. Even I know that, in the end, it’s not just a game. It’s a hell for anyone trapped there. How could I forget?  _

 

“Monika, sweetheart, please.”

 

Monika opened her eyes. It was daytime. There was no Sayori. No Natsuki. No Yuri. Just Kai. 

 

Right, it was a dream. Just a dream. But the feelings didn’t leave. She shuddered and felt tears running down her face. She felt absolutely awful. 

 

“Hey, c’mon Monika. What’s wrong?” Kai asked, concerned for the shivering girl, wrapping her arms around her in what should’ve been a comforting hug. But Monika couldn’t  _ breathe _ . She felt smothered and trapped, choking on nothing. She couldn’t handle it. She fought away from Kai’s grasp, falling out of the bed and collapsing onto the hard floor, hissing in pain. Kai sat there, not knowing what to do. So she didn’t do anything besides sit there, waiting for her sobs to dwindle away. 

 

Monike laid there on the floor, holding herself tightly for a long while, staying silent. When she felt as though she could manage words, she whispered “I’m disgusting.”

 

Kai’s face fell, along with her heart. “Monika, no…” She began, but Monika continued.

 

“I miss them. I really do. I just… didn’t want to hurt so I ignored it. I ignored it because I’m selfish. They deserve this life too, more than even I do. Why? Why did I come here? Why couldn’t they come too?” She sobbed, hitting her fist on the floor weakly. She was angry at herself. Did she really think she could get what she wanted and pretend they didn’t exist? 

 

“Monika, it’s not your fault. You can’t blame yourself for that at all. I don’t know how you came here, but I know you weren’t behind it so you didn’t leave them on purpose… and honestly, after what you went through, you deserve to be happy. I know you miss them,  but we have to move on,” Kai said, Kneeling close to her but not touching her. Monika’s heart sunk. She wanted to be able to hold Kai close but… she just couldn’t. Not like she deserved to anyway. 

 

“I still tried to forget them. I tried to pretend they didn’t exist. But they were my friends. They were all I had in that hellhole. They… deserve this freedom… not me. Not after all I put them through,” she sniffled, clenching her fists. 

 

“Monika you were desperate. Anyone in that situation would be desperate. You were stuck, and you were aware. Forced to sit there and watch the only help you have constantly leave you, and your friends were just code forced to feel the way the game wanted, yet you  _ still _ grew attached and considered them your friends. Monika, you may have done some things that you regret, but in the end, you’re not a bad person.”

 

Monika sniffled and looked up to Kai with puffy red eyes and tear streaks down her face. Her shaking had calmed down some and her fists relaxed. “Y… you really think so? You don’t think I’m bad, after everything I’ve done?”

 

“Of course you’re not bad, Monika. Maybe there was a ‘perfect’ way to go about it, but nobody is perfect. We all can fuck up all the time, but what really matters is that your intentions were not bad. And honestly Monika, you did what most people would probably do. It’s completely understandable. And while you may have tried to ignore it, it was only because you didn’t want to hurt. That’s reasonable, and it doesn’t make you a bad person, okay?” Kai consoled, slowly offering a hug. This time, Monika slid into her arms and gripped the back of her shirt tightly as she buried her face into the crook of Kai’s neck.

 

“If they became real, would they forgive me?” She whispered, silent tears falling down her face.

 

“Yeah, Monika. I’m sure they would,” Kai cooed, working her fingers through Monika’s long brown hair, her other hand caressing her back. They stayed like this until Monika fully calmed down.

 

“C’mon, let’s get you some tea. I’ll make you spiced chai this time since I know you love it so much,” Kai said, standing up and helping her lover afterward. After placing a soft kiss on her cheek she leads Monika to the kitchen and began making the tea.

 

_ What would I do without you in my life? _ Monika wondered as she watched Kai prepare her favorite tea. Whenever she was at her lowest, Kai managed to make everything okay again. She was truly grateful that she had Kai at her side. 

  
The smell of spice hit her nose and she looked down to see a hot cup of tea in front of her. With a smile, Monika pulled Kai towards her before she could walk away.    
  
“Thank you, Kai…” She pulled her into a tender kiss, feeling her cheeks heat up but not caring. Her heart fluttered at the feeling of Kai’s lips and she pulled away much too soon. “For everything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: So I really wanna try and do more fluff, and steer away from the angst because I wanna challenge myself-
> 
> Also me: *Writes this chapter*
> 
> Oof.
> 
> Comments and criticism are welcome


	12. Update

I know, I know, this probably isn't what anyone wanted to see. You're probably looking for a long-awaited new chapter. Unfortunately, I can't provide that at the moment. The truth is, I'm a high school student who is behind in several classes and has a lot of stuff to do in a small amount of time. Not only that, but my situation in my home is also getting rougher and rougher to deal with. It's not pretty. Chances to actually work on the story have been far, few and between, unfortunately, so I don't have the chance to go through the necessary steps to bring out some more content. It sucks, because this story is so fun for me, truly. I really am trying my best.

 

On the other hand, there is one  _other_ reason for this delay. That reason would be... writer's block. Yup, I'm falling victim to that too. I have like, some idea of where I'm wanting to take the story, but I don't know how to properly...  _write_ it. I even tried to go a different route and it had me in the same position. I feel like it's just a ton of dead ends for me when it comes to trying to come up with another chapter. I wondered if I should try to advance the... not-so-plotty-plot a little bit? Or if I should do another fluff chapter  _before_  all that jazz? Either way, in the end, I've got two half-written chapters that were (kinda/pretty much) planned, but not fully executed. They look like two big messes to me. 

 

I'm gonna try to get somewhere soon, I promise. Life's all hectic for now, but I'll manage. 


	13. The Greatest Gift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Titles proceed to get worse and worse over time*
> 
> Or, Kai has a gift for Monika~

“Don’t you still like playing the piano, Moni?” Kai asked one day, sipping tea as she sat beside Monika on the couch. Monika turned her attention away from the TV, frowning slightly. 

 

“Well, yeah, I still do, though I don’t have one to practice with anymore… why?”

 

“Well, you see, I’ve been saving up for a while so I went out and pulled some strings and…” Kai started but didn’t get to finish as she was immediately glomped by the girl beside her.

 

“Are you serious? You actually... K-Kai…” She exclaimed, her eyes welling up with happy tears.

 

Chuckling a bit, Kai wrapped an arm around the brunette. “Well, I figured that you’d miss playing. And I know you try not to ask for expensive stuff because you’re all extra polite like that, so I took it upon myself,” She explained with a smile.

 

“Ohhh Kai you didn’t have to do all that for me…” Monika said shaking her head, though the grin never left her face. “I love you so much!” She said before attacking Kai’s face with kisses. Kai laughed and kissed back a few times before Monika pulled away and glanced around the room. 

 

“But Kai... “ She started, a frown making its way onto her face. “This apartment isn’t that large… How are you gonna fit a piano in here? And won’t it disturb the people next door? I don’t wanna get you into trouble…”

 

“Well, that’s the one downside… It can’t exactly stay in this apartment, so you won’t be able to use it all the time. But my Pa owns a summer house that he literally doesn’t use, and lets me do whatever I want in it so long as it’s not illegal or destructive. It’s only a bus ride away,” she explained, laughing as Monika’s smile grew back. 

 

“My god Kai, you’re the best thing to ever happen to me,” Monika breathed, pushing herself onto Kai in a tight hug and burying her face into the crook of her neck. Kai never knew a painful hug could be so blissful. She could ask Monika to let her breathe, but she figured it was worth suffocating just to see her so happy. 

 

At some point, Kai decided to save her own life with more good news. “You know, we can go to it right now, Moni,” She informed, her own smile spreading a little more. Monika wasted no time in getting off of her after hearing that, eager to leave out as soon as possible. Her excitement was absolutely adorable to Kai, her energy being quite infectious as Kai hurried with her to leave the apartment. Monika nearly dragged the dark-haired girl to the nearest bus stop in her rush. Kai expected her to be happy, but this was even better than what she was hoping for. She didn’t expect this much enthusiasm, as she’d underestimated the girl’s desire to play again.

 

As the couple sat on the bus, Monika immediately looked quite impatient. Her leg bounced lightly, and she huffed as the bus apparently wasn’t going as fast as she’d like. It was honestly quite cute to Kai, who preoccupied Monika by holding and caressing her hand. Occasionally, 

Monika would huff as she glanced periodically out of the window, like a grumpy child who just wanted to get to Chuck-E-Cheese already. Kai spent the whole ride biting back chuckles, watching Monika be absolutely adorable the entire time. 

 

Eventually, they made it to their destination and quickly left the bus. From there, Kai walked with Monika hand-in-hand, leading her to the moderately sized house that was unoccupied. It was fairly simple, though it was nicely decorated and a few flowers in the front to make it look better. Other than the grass which looked like it could use cutting, everything seemed pretty neat.

 

Kai hurried to the door, knowing Monika wouldn’t want to wait for more than she needed to, and unlocked it with the key that she pulled out of a nearby flower pot. The two stepped in and Kai was quick to grab Monika by the hand and lead her down a hall towards the living room. Monika immediately noticed the large piano in the corner of the room, covered by a white sheet. Despite her eagerness, she walked over and gently slipped the sheet off of the instrument, as if she were handling something fragile. As the sheet was discarded, she proceeded to gawk at the shiny black wood and gently ran her fingers over a few of the smooth monochrome keys. She seemed to be enraptured simply by the very sight of the piano, her smile becoming softer, staring at it with fondness.

 

“Well,” Kai began, coming behind Monika and gently guiding her body onto the seat. “You can go on and play it, you know.”

 

Monika grinned tearfully and played with the notes some, getting a feel for it. Then, after a few moments of this, she looked at Kai and played three  _ very  _ familiar notes. Kai’s eyes lit up in recognition and she motioned for Monika to scoot over. She obliged and when Kai sat next to her, she beamed and put her hands over the keys, and motioned for Monika to start the beginning of the song. Monika had to adjust to playing just one side, but soon started the melody and, when it was time, Kai joined in. As they played, Monika almost felt compelled to sing but was still marveling over her and Kai’s playing. She didn’t know Kai could play, or that she would know this song. It surprised her a bit. Glancing over, Monika could see that Kai was intensely concentrating on her hand movements, like someone who wasn’t fully skilled at playing yet. Regardless, her playing was perfectly fine, and the two played the song with no issue.

 

All too soon, the song came to an end, and the melody of “Your Reality” was replaced with silence. Monika looked over to Kai in slight awe. 

 

“I wasn’t really into piano too much and never tried very hard to learn it until I heard your song,” Kai admitted, a light blush dusting her cheeks. Monika’s jaw dropped slightly at the confession.

 

“R-really?” She stuttered in slight astonishment. The fact that Monika’s song had been the one that convinced Kai to take the time to learn how to play was very touching. In her opinion, the song wasn’t all that special. Of course, she poured her heart into it, but it was just a bittersweet song about her obsession with a presence she didn’t even know. Aimed at thousands of strangers in the hopes that she’d connect with _someone_. She didn’t think that anything she made in that state of mind, or _that_ _place_ , was very good. Maybe it was just her strong resentment for her actions and what she experienced there that convinced her that none of it was any good. But obviously, Kai didn’t seem to think so. 

 

“When I was playing the game, hearing your voice for the first time, I felt…  _ something _ . Like, I could hear you trying to reach out to someone and the emotion behind all the notes. I brushed it off as nonsense, as I was convinced you were… fictional. Yet I still couldn’t help but try to learn it,” Kai explained. 

 

Monika laughed, shaking her head. “Honestly Kai, everything you do just makes me fall in love with you over and over again. How did I come to be with someone so wonderful?” 

 

“I-I’m not all that great. You honestly give me too much credit,” Kai disagreed, shaking her head with a blush.

 

Monika put a hand on Kai’s cheek and turned her head towards her. “Kai Pearce, you’ve made me the happiest person in the world and gave me more than I’d ever thought I’d have in my entire existence. I don’t think it’s possible to even give you  _ enough _ credit for all you’ve done for me. You never had to, yet you’ve given me all I’ve ever wanted and more. You complete me, Kai. You’re amazing,” She insisted, leaning up and capturing Kai’s lips in an intense kiss. As Kai began reciprocating, Monika leaned into her, delicate hands making their way down her body near her waist. Fingertips played with the hem of her shirt, slipping underneath after a while. Her nails gently dragged up against Kai’s smooth skin on her stomach, causing said girl to let out a soft moan. Getting a bit bolder, Monika’s lips finally left Kai’s own as she trailed her kisses down to her neck, nipping and sucking on the sensitive skin. She’d thrown all concern out of the window, mind clouded with the deep desire to show Kai just how much she loved her. Just then, she heard Kai let out a much louder moan out as her teeth grazed particularly sensitive flesh. 

 

The sound of Kai’s voice brought her back to reality and her face burned a bright red as she became fully aware of what she was doing. She pulled herself off of Kai and looked away in embarrassment.

 

“I-I’m sorry, I don’t know what got into me-” Monika stuttered, trying to calm her racing heart.  Kai just smiled and pecked her on the lips. 

 

“It’s okay Monika. I enjoyed it, actually. I don’t get to experience this side of you often, after all,” Kai insisted, smiling brightly at the brunette. Monika seemed to grow even more flustered and embarrassed at that, hiding her reddened face in the crook of Kai’s neck. 

 

Later on, Kai got off of the bench and let Monika play the piano to her heart’s content. She played a few more songs she’d learn and worked on her own, letting herself get immersed in it. Soon, the sky began darkening and the couple left the house with grins on their faces, their hands joined together as they went to wait for the bus. As they were standing at the bus stop, Monika smiled and pulled her girlfriend in for a tight hug. No words were needed for them as they held one another in their arms, appreciating the moment. Soon they could hear the rumble of a bus arriving as they separated, returning to their small apartment with content smiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took a suggestion from EscapeFromReality18 for this chapter. Feel free to submit any suggestions you want, chances are I'll write it :D.
> 
> So yeah tried to do fluff and borderline smut (I never go all the way but that may change one of these days). I just got out of my writer's block so it might not be so great. Constructive criticism is appreciated as always~


	14. Blake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blake pays a visit. Kai is not pleased.

“So, this is my girlfriend, Monika.”

 

“She has nice tits.”  


A smack could be heard as Kai palmed her face. Sitting next to her was a red faced Monika, who had become very flustered at the comment. Across from the bothered couple was a young man the same age as Kai with thick, curly hair and light skin. His eyes were a light hazel and the bit of facial hair he had on his chin was thick and bushy. Despite the couple’s reaction, a big,cheeky grin was still spread across his face.

 

“Blake,” was all Kai said, his name seemingly carrying enough information for the man to completely understand what she was thinking.

 

“It’s just an observation, dude. Look her in the boobs and tell me those aren’t great!” Blake insisted, holding back laughs.

 

“Blake-”

 

“Do you disagree?”

 

“I’m not-”

 

“Buuuuuut do you disagree?”

 

Kai sighed and relented. “No, I don’t.”

 

Monika couldn’t physically get any redder than that. Why was this even a conversation right now? Why was it about her boobs of all things? _Th… they’re not even all that big_ , she thought to herself with a slight frown, feeling very self-conscious at the moment.

 

Kai let out another sigh, which was sure to be a common action today. It just so happened that her friend Blake decided to visit her today. His visits were so infrequent, she didn’t expect to see him for another half of a year. But now, he was sitting in her living room, having a blast annoying the heck out of Kai and flustering Monika. He’d been the one person Kai was a bit reluctant to introduce to Monika, yet he still ended up being the second friend of hers to meet the girl.

 

“Could you at least _not_ ogle my girlfriend’s boobs right in front of me?” Kai complained, frowning at the man. _Why_ was she friends with this dope?

 

“I like dick, boobs mean nothing to me,” he reminded, raising an eyebrow.

 

“That’s not the-” Kai stopped herself, knowing all too well that saying anything wouldn’t matter. Blake was Blake and he does what he wants. She admired that, but it’s not like he never got annoying. On the contrary, actually, he annoyed the crap out of her.

 

He let out a few chuckles before sitting back and smiling at the two. “So, how’s this whole relationship going for you two? Did you smash yet?”

 

“Smash?” Monika questioned with a look of confusion.

 

“Blake that’s none of your business!” Kai snapped.

 

“...So I take it you two _don’t_ play Smash together," He teased, knowing his sentence implied something much different. "But every couple should do it. It creates wonderful bonding between you two, even if you are _pounding really hard into each other-_ ”

 

“ _Blake-_ ” Kai repeated for the nth time, and it certainly won’t be the last.

 

“-to beat each other in battle. I mean, everyone loves to play Smash Bros.!”

 

Not 10 minutes into his visit, Kai was already exasperated. It was much more tolerable when it was just her, but now her girlfriend was here and, well, he could be a bit overwhelming for people _born in reality_. She didn’t want him to give her poor girl a heart attack.

 

She'd later learn that that wasn't the true problem.

 

“What’s Smash Bros.?” Monika asked as Blakes face twisted into one of horror.

 

 _“You live with Kai Pearce and you DON’T know what SMASH BROS. is?!_ ” He gasped, turning his head to Kai. “I would’ve thought she would be trying to drag you into that game as soon as possible! She’s really passionate about it because she’s a nerd-”

 

“Hey!” Kai whined.

 

“-And she had like, all of the Smash games. She even plays it competitively!”

 

“Wow… really, Kai?” Monika asked, looking over at Kai who was frowning.

 

“W-well yeah, I sometimes play Smash and all that, but I honestly haven’t been doing much gaming lately. I’ve got something, or shall I say _someone_ better to occupy my time with,” Kai admitted. In all honesty, she did kinda miss constantly playing games in her free time, not to mention the people who were likely blowing up the chats over her recent absence, but she loved spending time with Monika just as much, if not more. She gladly spent her free time with the girl, loving to see her reactions to new things and in general make her happy. It was worth every second away from her video games.

 

Monika didn’t exactly agree with that, however. “You know, Kai, you don’t have to always spend time with me. I really won’t mind if you take some time to play… um… Smash Bros. instead,” She said.

 

“No, Monika, it’s perfectly fine. I’d really rather spend time with you,” Kai insisted.

 

“But Kai-”  
  
“Or you can both be reasonable people and play it together instead of cutely disagreeing,” Bake suggested.

 

“...He’s not wrong,” Kai mumbled with a sigh. He may be annoying, but he was definitely right most of the time.

 

“Hey, maybe you can turn Monika into a pro! Then Y'all could like, play competitively and stuff!” He suggested.

 

Kai shrugged “I dunno. You up for something like that, Moni?”

 

Monika seemed a bit unsure. But in the end, her love for doing new things made her willing to give it a try. “Sure, why not?”

 

“Hey, we can all play together and whoop some ass!” Blake cheered, already on his way to grab Kai’s Wii. “We should play Brawl!”

 

“Hey asshole, could you not just waltz in and go through my stuff?!” Kai yelled after him, despite her words falling on deaf ears.

 

When it was all set up by Blake, everyone got a controller. Monika had played games before, but it had been a while. She only hoped she could keep up with these two…

 

……….

 

“HOW?! HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?! THERE’S NO WAY!”

 

Monika sat with a cute, content smile as Kai was just about ripping out her hair in frustration. On the screen in front of them, Pikachu stood in front of Metaknight and Fox, very clearly in first place. The problem was that Kai wasn’t Pikachu. _Monika_ was Pikachu. This wasn’t even the first time. This had been happening every single round! Monika simply learned some good combos and learned the basic functions and would just barely do better than Kai and win.

 

It’s not that she was upset that Monika was super good at it; that was a great thing! But it was the fact that Monika had barely touched a game controller and Kai played competitively. And usually _won_. She had been playing Smash ever since she was young, way back on the Nintendo 64. And Monika was just ever-so-slightly _better_ than her.

 

Blake wasn’t feeling as salty, but then again, he normally found himself in last place anyway, when Kai was playing. However, he was still staring at Monika like she had accomplished the most amazing feat known to mankind. And, in Kai’s opinion, she kinda had.

 

“Kai, don’t panic, think of the good side!” Blake butted in.

 

“Which would be?”

 

“You could make her into a killing machine and she could go against other people professionally and bring in some cash!” Blake suggested.

 

“Killing… machine?” Monika asked hesitantly, not liking that title one bit. She still felt the regret about her past actions and it showed. Kai frowned.

 

“Don’t call her a killing machine dude. And besides, what would I teach her? She’s already naturally better than me,” she mumbled.

 

“Well, that’s true…”

 

“Thanks for the consolation, I’m feeling just as salty as before.”

 

“Haha, no problemo,” He snickered.

 

Kai had soon decided that she had enough of Smash, which was a first for her. The salt hadn’t gone away yet, and it probably never would. Her pride wounded (yet somehow inflated because it was still nice to have a badass girlfriend who could be so naturally skilled at video games), she begrudgingly ordered some pizza for them all.

 

After the pizza arrived, Blake was disappointed to see vegetarian pizza.

 

“Where’s the meat?” He whined, frowning at the vegetables.

 

“Monnie’s vegetarian, I just ordered this on instinct. Besides, vegetarian tastes fine, you won’t die,” Kai waved him off, taking a slice and biting into it.

 

Blake sighed, “Leave it to the lesbians to not eat the meat, eh?” he joked. Kai wanted to die.

 

Monika didn’t catch the joke, just giving him a confused glance. “What does eating meat have to do with being a lesbian?” She asked.

 

“Monnie, please-”

 

“You see, there’s something called a sausage. A type of meat. And there’s also this thing called a schlong that resembles said sausage-” He started.

 

“Schlong?” she repeated confusedly.

 

 _“_ Monnie _please-_ ”

 

“Or a _D, wang, meat popsicle-_ ”

 

With every new term, Monika seemed to get more confused. She hadn’t heard of any of these words before. She looked to Kai for help, but she was too busy rubbing her temples in frustration.

 

“Okay, but I still don’t-” Monika started before being cut off.

 

“It’s a penis, Monika. A penis,” Kai explained tiredly.

 

“Oooooh…” her eyes lit up in realization. She smiled innocently “I’d eat meat any day, so long as it belonged to Kai~”

 

A thump was heard as Kai’s head hit against the table.

 

 _“Whyyyyy Monnie?”_ Kai groaned, her voice muffled from being pressed against the wood.

 

Blake burst out in laughter, a tear falling out of his right eye from how hard he laughed. “Oh man, me and Monika are gonna get along really well!”

 

“Oh god-” Kai whined, fearful of this budding friendship.

 

Monika smiled and laughed, grabbing a slice of pizza herself.

 

Kai figured it wasn’t so bad. She was happy that Monika was getting along with someone who wasn’t her. She had been meaning to make sure Monika could go out and socialize, but she couldn’t really just send her out somewhere by herself and expect things to go well. Not to mention she wasn’t used to inviting company over. She’d have to fix that soon, she noted.

 

For the rest of the night, Kai was tortured by Blake’s inappropriateness and Monika following along. The two were awful (In Kai’s opinion) when paired together, and Kai dreaded their next meetup. Monika, however, enjoyed herself, particularly liking when she could make Kai’s face as red as possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, I just got started on a NEW Doki Doki fic called "Distrust", so I got sidetracked for a while. I'm gonna try to balance both fics and update as often as possible on both.
> 
> As usual, comments and criticism are welcomed~


	15. Hot Stuff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Monika wants to try some hot stuff. Kai's... not a fan.

For all the time that Monika has been real, she’s been able to experience a multitude of sensations that she never knew existed. It’s been thrilling for her; tasting sweet things, feeling warm hugs, and… well  _ other  _ things. Even the unpleasant things were absolutely amazing, as it simply piqued her interest more and more. 

 

That being said, she has never, not once, been able to taste spicy things.

 

It was odd, really, From what she’d gathered, people tend to love spicy things, despite how much they mention it burns. Maybe it was a sexual thing? It sounded like BDSM, where some people  _ like _ to hurt. Could it be that spiciness is addictive? Then again, none of her sources ever indicated such a thing. Or perhaps, people simply loved to be tortured and make themselves suffer. Monika could guess all day, but it wouldn’t solve her problem or answer her question.

 

That being said, in this grocery store, the answer was laying on a worn shelf, contained within a small glass bottle. It was ghost pepper hot sauce. 

 

Normally, Kai would avoid this section, never stopping to look or consider ever touching anything on or near it. Monika has displayed a little bit of interest before in the past, but Kai normally brushed it off, saying they didn’t need it. She always wondered why, but in the end, she didn’t bother Kai and instead chose to simply go on with the rest of her day. But today, for some odd reason, she just  _ really _ wanted to give it a try.

 

With her mindset, she grabbed the bottle decorated with red flames from the shelf and made her way to where Kai was. As she saw her girlfriend, she tapped the woman on the shoulder, holding up the hot sauce for Kai to see. 

 

“Mind if we get this today? I really wanna try it out!” Monika asked, a cheerful smile on her face. Kai’s expression turned nervous and reluctant as it normally did hen Monika asked for something spicy.

 

“Ah… you sure? That stuff is pretty hot…” Kai warned, looking away, hoping Monika would put it back.

 

“Well, you are too, and you don’t see me complaining~” Monika flirted, causing Kai’s face to grow hotter than the sauce she wanted to avoid so badly. As Monika giggled, Kai sighed.

 

“Go ahead and toss it in the cart then…” she relented as Monika happily placed it down. 

 

Finally, Monika could try out this condiment people loved so much! She was looking forward to returning home and wors a bright smile for the rest of the grocery trip. Kai, on the other hand, didn’t exactly share her enthusiasm, but couldn’t help but smile a little at her eager girlfriend. 

 

The couple returned home soon after that and worked on putting away the groceries. Looking at the time, Kai decided that now would be a good time to make dinner. To make things easier on herself, she opted to simply make a pot of spaghetti. As per usual, Monika helped prepare dinner by chopping things up and eventually, their dinner was done, Scooping some onto a plate, Monika placed it on the table and immediately went for the hot sauce.

 

Not exactly knowing how much was appropriate, she practically dunked a bunch on it with little care or concern. Kai’s jaw dropped.

 

“M-monika, hun, that’s uh…” She was about to say ‘not safe’, but didn’t get a chance to utter anything else as Monika shoveled a bit of food into her mouth. Kai cringed, waiting for the inevitable screams of pain.

 

Except, the screams never came. Kai blinked. Aside from a few weak coughs, she showed no signs of pain or discomfort. After chewing for a bit, she swallowed and smiled. 

 

“That was actually really good!” She exclaimed, before eating more. Kai was having a literal heart attack across from her.

 

“Wha… how?! Doesn’t it burn like hell?!” She said in disbelief, looking at Monika as if she’d grown another head.  

 

“Eh, it’s not so bad. I can see why people like it,” Monika shrugged. “You don’t want any?” 

 

Kai’s face fell. There was just no way, she knew that but… Monika can handle it. Surely, she’d be fine. Yeah, she could handle a bit of spice. She’d only put a small drop.

 

“Yeah… I’ll just put a little,” Kai said grabbing the bottle and popping the cap off. Carefully, she put a singular drop of the fiery, red liquid on her pasta, before snapping the cap back on.  _ ‘It’s just a drop’  _ she told herself, calmly scooping up the food and hot sauce. Without any hesitation, she put it into her mouth. She was strong, she could do this, no sweat. She chewed a couple times thinking she was fine until she finally felt it.

 

Monika looked up in slight concern as Kai’s face looked pained. Her concern grew as Kai then let out a long, strained, high-pitched whine. She finally decided to speak up as Kai half-choked as she tried to swallow. 

 

“Kai… hun… you don’t have to force yourself-” Monika began, but Kai shook her head. Surely she could at least get this small bite of food down. It shouldn’t be too hard.

 

After a couple tries, she managed to swallow, but the pain didn’t go away. As she began to sweat, she hissed in pain.

 

“M-monnie… get… the milk… please-” Kai rasped, giving up on being strong. Monika immediately hurried to the refrigerator in search of milk.

 

“Uh Kai? I think you forgot to buy milk…” Monika informed. Kai looked horrified, searching for something, anything to give her relief. Not thinking, she snatched the cup of water on the table and downed it. The pain went away but soon came back more intense than before. 

 

“AHH FUCK WATER MAKES IT WORSE!” She screamed. Monika flinched at the sudden scream, feeling bad for Kai. She went back to looking for any other dairy products, trying not to focus on the screams of agony behind her. 

 

It took an excruciatingly long time (at least, to Kai it was) for Monika to find some yogurt. Kai practically inhaled the strawberry flavored yogurt, sighing in relief as the burn faded away.

 

“I didn’t know it was that bad for you Kai…” Monika said, hugging the poor girl. Kai leaned into her. Tears fell from her eyes and she sniffled, partially because of the spice and partially in defeat. 

 

“I thought I could handle it Monnie. I wanted to be strong,” She whined like a child. Monika resisted rolling her eyes. 

 

“Aw Kai, you  _ are  _ strong… just not when it comes to spicy stuff…”

 

Kai pouted, still not satisfied with that. Monika sighed, but her mouth curled up into a playful smirk as she leaned on her girlfriend running a hand down her cheek. “C’mon, why don’t you lift me with those  _ strong _ arms of yours and lift me to our room~”

 

Not another word was said as a red-faced Kai rushed upstairs with a giggling Monika in her arms, the rest of her food sitting forgotten on the table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise I'm not running out of ideas. I mean it!
> 
> Lol, but as always, comments and criticism would be appreciated.


	16. Trapped

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things don't seem to quite be sunshine and rainbows anymore.

The clock ticked at a steady pace, the only thing breaking the silence that had suddenly formed between the troubled couple at the kitchen table. Kai was frowning, and Monika looked hopeful. Sighing, Kai shook her head.

 

“No. There’s no way,” Kai finally broke the silence with her answer, shaking her head as she did so. It was Monika’s turn to frown too.

 

“Kai, look, I know the area well, I know to be careful, and you even bought me a phone!” Monika countered, practically begging at this point.

 

“That doesn’t matter, something can still happen, Monika!” Kai argued, “These aren’t the safest streets in the world, you think I’ll just consent to you going outside, wandering around,  _ alone _ ?”

 

“I don’t necessarily need your consent, Kai. I’m technically an adult and I find it frustrating that you can’t even treat me like one!” Monika huffed. 

 

“Oh, right, if you don’t need my consent, what was the point of asking me, miss ‘adult’? If you were truly an adult you wouldn’t put yourself in that kind of danger!” 

 

“What ‘danger’, Kai? The danger of going outside for a walk farther than this one street? What if I don’t want to be constantly cooped up because I’m not ‘from here’? You’ve taken me around this area very often, and if I got lost somehow, I literally have google!”

 

“Do you hear yourself right now? In case you didn’t know, you have NOTHING here. No identity, no money, no job, no anything! Which means that the resources that exist to help people won’t do anything! You have no hospital to go to, nothing of the sort! It’s even a fucking risk having you in this god damn apartment and taking you places! So you really think that I’d be okay with you walking out alone into this world that, as far as everyone knows, you don’t exist in?” Kai yelled, her frustrating no longer being held back. She could tell she was being harsher than she needed to be, but she cared for Monika, and the last thing she’d want was for something to happen to her.

 

Monika, on the other hand, didn’t share that view. “I am a person! I don’t care if other people don’t think I exist, I DO exist, and as a human being, I just want to be able to live a normal life, Kai! Maybe sometimes I just want to walk outside and enjoy some time to myself. Spend a few hours with some fresh air as you’re off to work, and not have to be cooped up in this stuffy apartment, waiting for you in silence. Walk up to the library and read some books to pass the time. Is that really the worst thing to ask for?” 

 

“Monika…” Kai exhaled, rubbing her right temple. Nothing she said was getting through to the stubborn girl. But it didn’t matter, she couldn’t allow you. “Monika, I  _ love _ you, and you know for a fact that I don’t want you to feel… chained up or anything. But I just can’t risk it.”

 

“You  _ just _ said that me being in this apartment is a risk. But you still can’t ‘risk’ me being free?” Monika’s fists were clenched. Kai idly clawed at the wood of the kitchen table. This was going nowhere, and both of their nerves were nearly lost. They knew this needed to stop, but they were far too concerned with proving their point. 

 

Kai let out another deep sigh. “I do the best that I possibly can to make you happy. I take many risks for you and stretch to make things happen. I’ve spent  _ thousands _ of dollars to make you smile, and I worry every day about whether or not someone found out that I’m illegally hiding someone in my apartment, and I’m constantly thinking of ways to handle such a thing if it ever came to that. This isn’t  _ easy _ , Monika. Yet you’re sitting here, not listening to a single word I say, and insisting that I take yet another risk?” 

 

“I  _ understand _ that Kai, but I just can’t see myself staying like this forever. I almost feel like… like an animal, locked in its cage until it’s owner decides to let it out and take it for a walk. I just want to feel like a  _ person _ .”

 

“I’m done with arguing tonight. I haven’t changed my mind, and I  _ won’t _ change my mind. Goodnight, Monika,” Kai concluded with forced calmness as she got up from her spot and immediately went upstairs to get ready for bed. 

 

Monika walked to the couch, deciding to sleep there for the night, far from Kai. As the lights were turned off, and the house grew silent once more, the two laid silently with their thoughts still lingering on the subject. Sleep didn’t come easily that night. 

 

The next morning, the couple didn’t bother to talk to one another. They simply went on about their normal routine, knowing that if one of them spoke up, it would go nowhere fast. Kai made tea for the both of them. As the scent of Earl Grey wafted through the air, they drank at their normal spots, but the tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife. The tea wasn’t even enough to make it any better. It was awkward without Kai mentioning how ‘disgusting’ how much sugar Monika put into her tea or Monika teasingly adding another sugar cube to her drink. 

 

Kai got ready for work, leaving out of the house with a quiet “I’m gone,” leaving Monika all alone in front of the television. She started wondering about what to do now. Should she install cameras in the apartment to make sure she didn’t leave? She immediately shot the idea down. No, that would be overkill and make her feel more trapped. Not to mention, she actually did want Monika to have her privacy. But what could she do? Monika has a spare key to the apartment, and she could still leave at any time she wanted. She also made it clear that she didn’t need her consent, and could go anyway despite her warnings. Finally, Kai sighed and decided that is was yet another risk that she’d just have to worry about along with the many other things regarding Monika. 

 

It wasn’t that she didn’t somewhat agree with Monika. She really wished that she could let her do what she wanted. And, as much as she didn’t want to, she had to agree that it sucked not having that much independence. But for Monika’s sake, she had to do this. She may not agree, but that didn’t matter in Kai’s eyes. Her safety came first, always. 

These thoughts raced through her mind as the went on autopilot at work. The stress of shitty, pretentious customers didn’t even distract her. She found it simple to plaster on a smile and agree with whatever came out of their mouths regardless of what they actually were saying. The 10-hour shift ended and with a sigh, she headed home. Opening the door, she was relieved to see Monika idly staring at the TV. Perhaps maybe she wouldn’t have to worry about her deciding to leave anyway. Maybe some part of her actually heeded her warning. With a small, tired smile, she slipped off her work clothes and continued on with her day. 

 

Monika, on the other hand, knew for a fact that she wasn’t going to sit and obey. Just a few hours ago, she’d gone on a simple walk, with a triumphant smirk on her face. She made sure to be careful of course, but her walk was very uneventful. However, she couldn’t help but feel so free, which dominated the slight guilt of doing it behind Kai’s back. Of course, she’d made sure to lock the door on the way out and carry her phone which was completely charged. She didn’t actually want anything to happen to her of course. But making her own decision to leave was refreshing, and a nice change to sitting at home, wondering if Kai would offer to do something that day. 

 

It felt a bit wrong, however. Monika never wanted to actively go against Kai. But she disregarded those feelings. She’d be fine, and as long as Kai didn’t know, there’d be no harm. In fact, she was just saving Kai some stress. Monika was confident that she’d be okay and wanted to make her own decisions, so there was no need to worry Kai over it. 

 

Monika joined Kai in bed that night. They didn’t cuddle, but the couple felt a bit better. They were sure they had nothing to worry about. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyy I'm sick and I feel as if I'm slowly dying, but I'm BACK! Here's another late chapter for you guys. I wonder what'll happen soon? I can't believe I made 'em argue. Hmmm, but do I have something far more... sinister in store for these girls? We'll see soon~
> 
> As always, comments and constructive criticism is deeply appreciated!


	17. Rainbows Are The Best

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kai and Monika go to Pride! UwU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a note, this does have awful smut in it. You've been warned.

“You wanna be gay with me today?”

 

Monika blinked, looking up at her girlfriend in confusion.

 

“Aren’t I gay with you every day?” She asked with a tilt of her head. Kai laughed, flopping down on the couch with Monika, resting her head on her boobs.

 

“Well yeah, that’s true…” she agreed, before grinning wider. “Wanna be _extra_ gay with me today, ya big lesbo?”

 

“Pan, actually,” Monika corrected with a giggle. “And fine, I’ll be _extra_ gay with you. What does being _extra_ gay entail?”

 

“Going to a pride parade with me, wearing rainbow and glitter, and doing gay things with me while we’re there,” Kai explained, idly playing with Monika’s long, brown strands of hair. Monika couldn’t help but laugh before grabbing Kai by her pudgy cheeks and pecking her lips.

 

“That sounds like fun. I guess I’ll go and be extra gay with you,” she giggled.

 

“I guess I gotta raid my wardrobe in hopes that I can find rainbow amongst all that… black…” Kai trailed off, her smile turning into a pout. She was regretting her dark, punk aesthetic now. How was she supposed to look gay with no rainbows? Her plan was already foiled-

 

“You could always wear rainbow makeup?” Monika suggested, but as soon as the words left her mouth, Kai yelped, sliding off of her girlfriend and hiding under the coffee table.  
  
“ _Don’t you dare!_ ” She hissed, lifting her hands as if she’d scratch Monika, though she had no more than nubs at her fingertips and couldn’t hurt the girl if she tried. Monika smiled devilishly at her.

 

“C’mon Kai, don’t you wanna be pretty and gay~” She teased, pulling her hissing girlfriend from underneath the table.   
  
“No! You’ll never take me alive!” Kai screeched, attempting to pry herself away from the brunette, and failing miserably. “Jesus I need to go to the gym-” she whined when she couldn’t get away. Monika was simply beaming as she forcefully dragged a whining Kai upstairs to their bedroom.

 

“It’s not so bad, you’re gonna look really pretty, I promise!” Monika comforted.

 

“That’s what I’m afraid of! I dun wanna be pretty-” Kai argued, giving up on escaping. It was clear that she’d be dolled up whether she wanted to or not. With a final wail of despair, she was dragged into the room never to be seen again…

 

Except, that wasn’t the case at all. She was definitely seen again. However, she was different, now wearing glittery rainbow eyeshadow, with eyeliner, pink lip gloss, the works. Along with the makeup, she was also wearing a frown. Monika, on the other hand, was beaming and complimenting her the entire time. She had also done her own makeup similarly, with an added rainbow heart on her cheek.

 

“Never again…” Kai uttered in a disturbed voice. Monika rolled her eyes.

 

“It’s not the end of the world, dear, you’ll be fine,” she insisted, kissing the pouting woman on the cheek. “If it makes you feel better, I’ll cheer you up later~”

 

“Pff, nothing can cheer me up,” Kai grumbled, crossing her arms.

 

“Oh, really? Well, I suppose we could just sleep and not do anything interesting in our bed together tonight,” Monika shrugged, beginning to walk away.

 

“Babe wait I take it back!” Kai backtracked immediately, pulling Monika back to her, which caused the girl to giggle.

 

“You’re such a big doofus,” She teased, booping Kai’s nose.

 

“But I’m _your_ doofus,” Kai reminded.

 

“That you are, my dear. And I wouldn’t want any other doofus in the world,” she grinned, pecking Kai’s lips before getting out of her arms and walking to the closet.

 

“Anywho, I’m gonna change real quick. Gotta get ready for more gay stuff,” Monika mentioned. Kai nodded taking a seat at her computer desk to wait for her to get dressed.   
  
When she looked up, she was surprised to see her girlfriend wearing _her_ clothes. The black leggings fit her fine, though the white skull tank top was a bit large on her. She’d tied Kai’s black and red plaid flannel around her waist and put Kai’s black beanie on her head. It actually looked pretty cute on her, in Kai’s opinion.

 

“I should do this more often…” Monika noted as she looked herself in the mirror.

 

“Y-you…” Kai trailed off, stunned. Why was Monika _so cut_ e in clothes like _that_? Blushing, Kai mumbled, “Why are you wearing my boring clothes?”

 

“I _like_ your clothes, they’re not boring!”

 

“I mean, I guess not when _you_ wear them, but…”

 

“Oh shush, Kai!” Monika waved her off with a smile before sitting on the bed. “Say, I wonder how you’d look in mine~”

 

“Monnie, no offense, but you’re a bit smaller than me. Which is why all of my clothes are just kinda hanging off of you,” Kai pointed out.

 

Monika pouted. “Aww, you’re right…” she mumbled.  “Oh well. Ready to go out to the parade then?”

 

“Definitely! Let’s go!” Kai smiled and picked her girlfriend up bridal style, carrying her out of the apartment as the girl in her arms giggling.

 

Half an hour later, as they stepped off of the bus, their vision was immediately filled with rainbows. Balloons, flags, streamers, people; just about everything had some sort of rainbow or pink thing on it. This event was being held in a large park near a river, with a large stage in the middle of it, and several benches near said stage. Music blared from huge black speakers, performers danced on the stage and people were everywhere. The two girls smile, holding each other's hands as they walked through the large crowd of people who were either dancing to the loud music thumping through the air or talking excitedly with their friends.

 

“Ohmygod, Kai and Monika~!” a familiar voice rang out, and the two turned around to see a colorful Blake wearing a rainbow crop top and _very_ short shorts. He was also sporting long, rainbow socks, rainbow earrings, and even makeup, though he surprisingly left the rainbow out of that. The excitable man was running up to them, and the couple barely had time to brace themselves before Blake scooped them up into a huge hug, making sure to nearly squeeze them half to death. “I can’t believe you’re here!” He squealed, before pulling back and getting a good look at them both, finally noticing Kai’s makeup, which caused him to gasp dramatically. “...KAI?! Looking _CUTE_ ?! With **_MAKEUP_ **?!”

 

Immediately, Kai wished she could vanish right then and there. The last thing she wanted was this. Standing out was something she wasn’t too comfortable with, and she felt very awkward, and a bit embarrassed. Monika just gave her a smile and hugged her, which eased her nerves slightly. “She didn’t have much of a choice. I’m great at persuasion,” Monika giggled.  


“Yeah… ‘persuasion’...” Kai mumbled. As if being forced to wear makeup against her will was _persuasion_.

 

“Why ya been holding out on me, Monika? I never got told you could do makeup so well! You shoulda been hooking up _my_ makeup. I wanna look like Beyonce too!” Blake pouted, crossing his arms.

 

Monika laughed, shaking her head “Oh stop it, Blake! You seem to have done a beautiful job on your own, anyways!”

 

“Well, I guess you’re right. And besides, I naturally look like Beyonce regardless~” The rainbow covered man started posing, showing off his nearly nonexistent curves.

 

“Blake, I think you might be a tad delusional,” Kai teased with a roll of her eyes.

 

“You know what, I thought that I might have been delusional when I first saw you here, because I was thinking there was no way in hell I’d see your lesbian ass down here, at our local pride celebration,” He mentioned, causing Kai to frown. “Are you… sure you want to be here, hun?”  
  
Monika frowned in confusion. “Wait, why wouldn’t she want to be here?’

 

Kai shuffled uncomfortably before explaining. “My dad… He works nearby. I have moved out of his house and such but… he still helps me out a lot and is involved in my life. I haven’t come out to him yet and he’s very homophobic, so if he sees me, it’s over,” She sighed.

 

“You… still haven’t told him yet? And you’re here anyway?” Blake glanced around worriedly for a moment, making sure said person wasn’t around.

 

“I know, I just… really wanted to come out here with Monnie today. I’m tired of hiding, and I don’t think he’ll find me. He tries to ignore this sort of stuff, after all.”

  
“Well… if you’re sure. Just be careful, Kai,” He said, hugging her. When he pulled away, he reached in his pocket, pulling out a pink sucker. “If you see him, suck on this. It’s dick-shaped so all you’d have to worry about is him finding you doing something lewd instead of you being gay,” He offered with a chuckle.

 

With that, Kai was walking away from him, with Monika’s hand in her own. He laughed loudly, following the offended woman.

 

The three went to several stands, buying many rainbow-colored items. Kai now had rainbow glasses and Monika had a cute rainbow bowtie, and both carried a flag. After wandering around for some time, the group decided to rest and get some food. Kai and Monika were currently bickering over Kai’s rapidly dwindling amount of money, as Kai was insisting that Monika could get anything, no matter how expensive, and Monika was trying to convince Kai to just get only the cheapest of items. Blake was laughing and shaking his head at the couple’s antics, getting himself a soda and waiting for the two to get over their small quarrel.

 

As this was going on, another person arrived. However, unlike the rest of the group, she wasn’t covered in rainbows. Instead, she was covered in black, grey, white and purple. Her color scheme represented asexuality and said asexual walked up to the friends.

 

“Faith! Hey, hun!” Blake called out, hugging the new addition to the group. Monika and Kai glanced over, finally noticing the woman

 

“Ah… Hi,” she greeted awkwardly, not returning the hug, but leaning into it. “I wasn’t quite expecting to see Kai here… but it’s nice to see you all together.”

 

“Yeah... I decided to say ‘screw it’ and come anyway. And I mean, I wasn’t exactly expecting to see you either,” Kai responded, smiling and hugging the other woman after Blake finally let go.

 

Faith smiled sheepishly. “It’s… actually my first time, but I wanted to see how it would be. And I’m liking it so far, though I felt awkward having nobody with me.”

 

“I’m surprised you haven’t come here before, spreading your ace pride and all that.”

 

“Well…” Faith hesitated. “With many people not believing it exists and such, I didn’t really feel like I belonged. I’ve wanted to come, but I was afraid of people just… I don’t know, not accepting me.”

 

Blake snorted “These are some of the most supportive people, all assembled into a huge group together, giving the world a huge middle finger. You didn’t have to worry about that!”

 

“Yeah, well…” Faith sighed, thinking of how she would respond. “I’ve experienced things. And I was just worried and had no way of knowing if things would be okay. But that doesn’t matter anymore. I’m here.”

 

Blake seemed like he wanted to ask her to elaborate on what things she experienced but quickly stopped himself. If it was as severe as it sounded, she probably wouldn’t want to talk about it right now. Faith had started to grow uncomfortable, and seemed to try and shrink into herself.

 

Monika sensed the woman’s discomfort, deciding to finally speak up. “Well, the important part is that you’re here now. That’s all that really matters,” she said, before grabbing Kai’s wallet. “I’m gonna order us some cheap food and then we can hear near the stage to see the drag show that’s going on. I heard those are pretty great.”

 

Kai pouted at Monika for ordering cheap food, but soon enough everyone had their food and were seated near the stage, where drag queens performed to a variety of different popular songs. Monika had her phone out, taking multiple pictures of every single one, and Kai was cheering them on, handing out money to the performers like a few other people had begun doing as well. Blake was complaining about how broke he was, upset that he couldn’t pay the performers, and Faith smiled, quietly enjoying the show.

 

At the end of the event, the group bought their last rainbow items before finally saying their goodbyes. Soon after, the couple made it back to their apartment. They had thoroughly enjoyed the event but was glad to be back home to relax with one another and have some peace and quiet.

 

The two were in their bedroom, getting ready for bed. At least, that was Kai’s intention. As Kai was undressed and looking for her comfortable shorts and t-shirt, Monika interrupted her by pushing the woman onto the bed. Kai went to say something in confusion but was interrupted by Monika’s soft lips pressing against her own, and she couldn’t help but instantly melt into the kiss. Despite how tender the contact was, Kai could sense the intense _hung_ er behind it, and it drove her to swipe her tongue against her lover’s lips to try and deepen it.

 

Monika happily obliged, parting her lips and allowing Kai’s tongue to explore her mouth. It felt much different than before, much less sloppy and very passionate. Pulling back for air, Monika smiled. “I believe I made a promise earlier today~” She kissed the edge of Kai’s lips, trailing down to the woman’s neck, her tender lips meeting sensitive flesh repeatedly, causing Kai to let out a few small gasps.

 

Inexperienced as she may be, her touches still managed to send shivers down Kai’s spine, and her kisses made Kai’s heart hump wildly. Her soft fingers trailing and exploring her body, experimentally gliding over her skin, lingering on her more sensitive areas and fiddling with her underwear caused Kai to let out quiet, content noises.

 

Monika moved up to Kai’s ear, kissing it. “I love you,” she whispered in her girlfriend’s ear before returning to her previous task. From Monika’s voice, lips, and touches alone, she was driving Kai wild. Kai’s face was flushed as she let her hands rest on Monika’s hips.

 

“You sure you wanna do this?” Kai paused their activities despite the heat that had pooled deep in the pit of her stomach, wanting to make sure Monika was completely comfortable with this. They’d gotten to this point plenty of times before, but tonight it seemed they would be taking things a step further if Monika’s implications were anything to go by. Monika smiled, planting another kiss on Kai’s lips, in an attempt to ease her worries. As appreciative as she was for Kai’s concern, Monika was more than ready to go the next step. She needed it and craved it more than anything else at the moment.

 

“Of course I do, hun. I’ve wanted to for a while now…” She mumbled, before gently nipping the other woman’s neck, causing her to let out a light gasp. Practically smothering Kai in her affection, she peppered her skin with nips, kisses, and licks, trailing her hands teasingly close to her girlfriend’s chest. Kai leaned into Monika’s touch, wanting more contact, silently begging for Monika to go further. Deciding to up her game, Monika’s hands reached Kai’s modest chest, her slender fingers massaging Kai’s sensitive peaks. It was then that Kai got more vocal, letting out small moans that Monika found to be absolutely irresistible.

 

Interestingly enough, Kai didn’t flip them and take control as she normally would at this point in their makeout sessions. Instead, Monika was the one reducing Kai into a whimpering pile of mush, making the woman cling onto her, and moan out her name. The sounds Kai made caused Monika’s heart to race, and she thoroughly enjoyed making her lover let out such cute sounds. She wanted to hear more. Monika sucked hard on the sensitive flesh just above Kai’s collarbone, which caused a sharp gasp, making Monika smile. The look of want on Kai’s face, her body’s reactions to Monika’s touches, the sounds Kai made, all of it was absolutely entrancing to Monika, and the only thing she could think about was how she wanted more of it. The thought of Kai becoming a writhing mess underneath her, moaning her name, begging for more excited the brunette. Her breaths became more labored as she finally moved her lips lower, wrapping them around a sensitive nipple. She was rewarded with louder moans from Kai and continued to stimulate the other with her hand.

 

In all honesty, despite how smooth things were going, and how she was loving every second, Monika was a little bit nervous. She was doing what felt natural, and it was going well, but she didn’t want to mess this up. This was their first time, so the last thing she wanted was her inexperience to get in the way of their fun. However, as she continued to tease Kai, she noticed her lover becoming a bit impatient, bringing her hips up to meet Monika’s own, and moans growing needier and needier over time. Kai needed more, and Monika needed to deliver.

 

Monika brushed off any doubts, dragging her fingers down Kai’s smooth abdomen, all the way down to her underwear. Moving her fingers to Kai’s moistening lips, she could feel that the fabric was already damp with Kai’s fluids as she pressed gently on that spot. Kai whimpered at the sudden contact, her hips thrusting towards the hand. Monika applied a bit more pressure, pleased to hear Kai’s moans grow louder. Monika herself was getting worked up, but she continued tending to Kai’s needs and rubbing her core. Soon, she slid the ruined pair of panties off of Kai and carelessly flung them away to be forgotten for the night.

 

Hesitating a small moment, Monika glanced up at Kai, who stared back with an intense lust in her eyes. Her breaths were heavy and her face was a bright red as Monika moved up to kiss her before pressing her index finger against her slick sex. Kai let out a muffled moan as her hands gripped tighter onto Monika’s back as the brunette began rubbing the area. She soon found a small nub near the top of Kai’s sex, making her groan at the contact, kissing Monika intensely. Monika got lost in Kai’s moans, craving more of them as she soon moved her fingers down to Kai’s entrance. She slipped one finger in, causing Kai to let in a choked breath. Monika began thrusting into Kai, capturing her lips in long, deep kisses as she did so.

 

Kai writhed underneath Monika, her hips bucking when another finger slipped in, and her short nails dug into the other woman’s back. She was drowning in ecstasy, losing herself in the intense pleasure. She could barely think with how great she felt and she pressed deeper into Monika’s lips. All she could feel was overwhelming love for Monika and clung separately to said woman as she came closer to her release. Sensing she was close. Monika sped up and after that, it didn’t take long for Kai to come undone. Her back arched as she let out a high pitched cry of pleasure, trembling as she was overcome with pleasure.

 

When she’d finally caught her breath and her shaking ceased, Monika, pulled her hand away. Kai panted lightly, dazed and tired, staring lovingly at Monika. At that moment, Monika found Kai to be the most beautiful thing she’d ever looked at, even as her hair was now messy, some strands of it clinging to her sweaty skin, her chocolate brown eyes lidded and unfocused. With a small smile, Monika cuddled against Kai, who limply lifted her arm around the smaller girl.

 

“I love you,” Kai finally whispered, giving Monika a gentle kiss.

 

“I love you too, hun.”

 

Kai took a moment to regain her strength before moving herself above Monika.

 

“Your turn,” was all she said, before beginning to remove her too-big clothing off of Monika’s body. Monika helped to shuffle out of the clothes, and soon she was bare. Due to what had just gone down, Monika was already worked up. Kai decided not to waste any time and kissed down her body. Her lips traveled to her neck, past her chest, down her abdomen, and past the small patch of hair above her target.

 

Eager to make Monika feel as incredible as she had done to Kai, she ran her tongue slowly up her lover’s moist slit, causing Monika to let out a shaky gasp. She grabbed onto the sheets beneath her as Kai’s tongue ran slow circles around her sensitive nub. Loud whimpers and moans escaped her, as she was nearly overwhelmed with pleasure. A hand slipped into Kai’s dark hair as she quickened her pace a bit. Monika had little care for the amount of noise she made, instead focusing on how good she felt, and the amazing woman making her feel these things.

  
As sh e grew more and more vocal, Kai licked at the nub faster, bringing up a finger to slip into Monika. That was all it took before Monika’s eyes rolled back and she moaned loudly, her hips bucking and back lifting from the bed as she reached her climax. Monika’s face was absolutely gorgeous to Kai as she finished, her expression only able to be described as pure ecstasy. Kai lapped up Monika’s fluids before pulling away and sharing a short kiss with her.   
  
They held one another in their arms, silently enjoying each other’s company, occasionally kissing or simply staring as their tired bodies finally rested. It didn’t take long for them to both fall asleep in each other’s embrace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Despite Pride month having ended... *checks clock* ... An hour ago, I wanted to make sure to post these two being gay for pride month. So yaaaay, gay!
> 
> In case you're confused or haven't noticed, I recently deleted my first smut chapter. I decided that I didn't want that to be their first time. Not only did I suck at writing it, but it seemed randomly placed. I tried to improve on it, and I think I did better this time around. I hope this didn't disappoint. 
> 
> As always, comments and constructive criticism are deeply appreciated~


	18. Papa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kai gets a phone call from her dad. Which isn't good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Make sure to read the previous chapter! I deleted one and added it in not too long after, so it may have seemed like I hadn't updated, but I did. So chapter 17 is brand new.

Somehow, from only the way the sun happened to shine on  _ just _ the perfect spot to make her suffer, Kai knew today wasn’t going to be a good one. Turning away from the offending light, she buried her face into something soft and fleshy, likely her lover. That was fine, Monika was far better than any pillow. Snuggling as much as she could, she attempted to go back to sleep. She had a day off of work today, and she was going to try and make the most of it. 

 

However, her phone seemed to not care about such plans and began ringing. Groaning, Kai reluctantly sat up, snatching the offending object from her dresser, before quickly answering it. She failed to check the caller ID, however, and was surprised to hear a familiar deep voice growl out at her from the other end. 

 

“Kai Alysse Pearce!” Her father’s voice all but roared from the phone’s speaker. He sounded quite angry, unfortunately. “I want to see you today. You are going to come to my house and explain yourself to me or so help me god, I will cut away every single cent I normally pay you by tomorrow!”

 

Kai’s breath caught in her throat and her heart sank. He must have found out about her. She knew it was a mistake to go to that pride parade. At the time, she had made up her mind that she didn’t care if she got caught, but now hearing his voice screaming at her, that confidence deflated  _ very _ quickly. She struggled to swallow for a second before finally squeaking out “W-wait, dad, whatever it is, it’s not what you think-”

 

“Don’t pull that bs on me! Treating me like I’m an idiot will take you nowhere,” he interrupted, the venom in his voice striking fear deep into her heart. “I will take  _ everything _ from you! Teach you a real lesson!”

 

“D-dad,  _ please _ ,” she pleaded, her voice shaky and weak. This was bad. She was going to be in major shit. Without his support, they’d really struggle. Monika was incapable of getting a job, and her job wouldn’t support the both of them very well. She’d probably have to get a second job and try her best to conserve as much money as possible. Already, her mind was going through all the changes and extra work she’d have to do once her father stopped paying her. 

 

“I don’t want to hear it until you march your ass down to this house,” he growled, immediately hanging up. The phone dropped from her trembling hands onto her bare thighs as she began to cry. Things were falling apart. She didn’t want to be disowned. It wasn’t just the money she was concerned about, but the fact that it was likely that things were ruined between her and her father forever. Although she hated homophobic assholes, she still loved her father as much as her late mother, because looking past that intolerant side, he was actually really sweet and caring. He did all he could for her, and supported her since the very moment she was conceived, making sure she always had what she needed. Most of her memories of him were happy, as he’d play with her, take her to see cool things, and devote so much time, effort, and money to her. And yet all of that was being torn away from her today. 

 

He just  _ had _ to be one of the most homophobic people out there. He didn’t approve of such ‘behavior’ and wouldn’t tolerate it in any way. He had made sure to let her know of how he viewed that sort of thing and had even done his best to teach her to never go down that route. When she got to be a certain age and start finding people attractive, she was surprised to find that her preferences didn’t line up with what she’d been taught they should have been. She had hated it and fought it for years until she finally found some friends who pulled her away from that sort of mindset. 

 

It all would have been fine if she had stuck to hiding and letting him be blissfully unaware of her true sexual orientation. But she had grown careless. She had nobody to blame but herself for this mess. It was her idea to drag her girlfriend with her out into the open without a care in the world, risking it all for just a moment of happiness. It wasn’t worth it. She was regretting it all and wishing she could take it back. But she couldn’t. Kai would have to live with this for the rest of her life, and there was nothing she could do to fix it. 

 

While Kai got more and more distraught, she failed to realize that her lover had woken up during the call. As she began sobbing, she felt soft, slender arms embrace her and pull her close. Kai turned towards Monika and gripped her tightly, burying her face into her chest, her sobs and sniffles becoming muffled. Monika ran a comforting hand through Kai’s dark hair, gently shushing her and assuring her that it was alright and that they’d get through it. Kai was scared, hurt, and angry all at once, but Monika’s soothing voice managed to calm her down enough to where she only let out the occasional sniffle. Despite the worst of it being over, they still held each other tight, silently sitting on the bed, listening to the faint bird chirps from outside. After enjoying the silence, Monika finally spoke up. 

 

“What happened, hun?” She asked, still working her fingers through the silky strands of hair.

 

“My dad called me,” Kai mumbled, sounding defeated. “He knows what I am, Monika. He knows…” 

 

“Oh Kai…” Monika planted a kiss on the woman’s forehead. “It sounded like he didn’t take well to it at all…”

 

“He didn’t,” Kai confirmed, shaking her head disappointedly. “He probably won’t be helping me out anymore. I’ll need to try and make more money for us.”

 

“I-I’m sorry. It’ll be harder for you with me here…” Monika frowned, upset that she’ll be making Kai’s life even more difficult. 

 

“No, I need you here with me. Without you, I don’t know how I’d cope with all of this…” Kai insisted, hugging Monika tighter. “I mean yeah, of course I’d have an easier time paying for stuff, but that’s not the point. I still need you here. I’m so hurt because I love my dad so much and the thought of him casting me aside because of one slip up is killing me inside, I didn’t want him to know. I wanted to stay on good terms with him so bad.” Kai’s voice cracked as she began tearing up again.

 

“Oh hun, I’m so sorry,” Monika began to rub comforting circle's on Kai’s back as she attempted to pull herself back together. 

 

“I have to face him today. He told me to go to his house. To explain to me. But he already knows. I don’t have a chance to bring things to normal.”

 

“Maybe you could say you were there as an ally?” Monika suggested. “I’m all for telling the truth but he seems to be quite… intolerant.”

 

“Y-yeah, maybe that could work,” Kai agreed, calming down some. “He’d still be mad but… but at least he won’t disown me.”

 

“There you go, we’ll work through that. C’mon, why don’t you go and clean your face up and I’ll make you some so you can settle down?”

  
Kai nodded, slipping away from Monika’s warm embrace and heading over to the bathroom. Monika made them both a steaming, aromatic cup of citrus green tea. 

 

After drinking the tea, Kai was a bit calmer as she reluctantly slipped some clothes on, getting ready to face her father. She had asked Monika to stay in the apartment as she didn’t want to take any risks. 

 

The bus ride to her father’s house was shorter than she would’ve like. Steeling herself, she walked through the gate and up the pavement leading to the pale green two-story house. It was kept in Pristine condition, much like the houses surrounding it. Unlike Kai, her father lived in the nicer, safer part of town. Kai had picked her apartment due to affordability, at the cost of living in what could be considered an unsafe neighborhood. Her father had been against the decision to live in that area but promised not to make a fuss so long as she contacted him often. 

 

Thinking of how protective and nice he could be calmed Kai down a little. Maybe he’d come around at some point. There was a good man in him, so it was definitely possible. Surely he cared for her at least enough not to completely disown her. With that thought, she timidly knocked on the door, and it wasn’t long before she heard heavy footsteps approaching rather quickly. A few seconds later, she was met with the face of her rather angry father. 

 

With a small huff, he silently walked away from the door, leaving the door wide open for her to come in. Her anxiety washed right back over her, and she swallowed nervously before carefully walking into the house. Her father was seated on the armchair near the couch where Kai decided to sit. He was not only fuming but also seemed like he had drunk a little bit of alcohol. Kai was sure that he had stopped drinking quite some time ago. Was he truly that upset over this?

 

“All I wanna know is why the  _ hell _ I saw my daughter at that disgusting place with those disgusting people,” He started, immediately crushing nearly all of Kai’s hope. There was no way this would end well.

 

“I-I don’t think they’re disgusting. I think that… they’re just people who want to love and live without fear. I-I’m just an ally-” She defended, but was interrupted by him.

 

“ _ Just _ an ally, huh? Tell me, do allies normally swap spit with someone of the same sex?”

 

Kai’s heart fell. He saw much, much more than she thought. She turned pale at the realization and any small tiny flicker of hope that may have been present quickly vanished and was replaced with absolute dread. 

 

“N-no… no you’re right, that’s… bullshit…” She sighed, steeling herself. “To tell you the truth dad I’m… I’m a lesbian,” She mumbled, closing her eyes and waiting to hear him yell at her in rage. 

 

But instead, all she heard was silence. It was like that for a while, her eyes closed, and her father not uttering a peep. Until finally, there was a small, quiet “Why?” 

 

She re-opened her eyes to see angry tears falling down his face. She blinked, staring at him as he broke down. “What did I do wrong? How… how did I mess up? I tried to show you it was wrong and… I did my best… Is it because Maxine’s gone? Maybe… she would’ve done better than me…” He sobbed, wiping his face before continuing. “Is there something I can do, Kai? Anything? Are you having trouble finding a man, or…”

 

“No, Dad. I’m sorry but, this is just how I am. I can’t help it. I’ve tried to like men, but I just can’t,” Kai said, her voice sounding apologetic. 

 

“This isn’t right, Kai. It’s not natural, or good in any sense. Please tell me there’s  _ something _ I can do… I don’t want to fail you,” he pleaded, grabbing one of her hands. 

 

“Dad…” she trailed off, not fully knowing what to do or say. Things weren’t looking good at all, but she definitely didn’t see this coming. “You haven’t failed me. I just happened to be this way, and nobody could have done anything about it. You tried your hardest but… I can’t help but be myself.”

 

“This… this isn’t you! You’re a smart, wonderful, and good woman, not some… some queer,” He insisted, looking frustrated. His brows creased as he tries to deny it.

 

“I am a lesbian, dad. Always have been, always will be. Sorry,” she sighed.

 

“W-well I suppose I’m forced to just… respect your decision…” He sighed, running a hand through his short hair. 

 

“I didn’t choose this. If I had a choice, I wouldn’t have picked this,” Kai corrected. 

 

He seemed like he was struggling to grasp the concept. “You.. believe you were born this way…?” He asked. When Kai nodded, he frowned. “Everything I know tells me that such a thing is impossible. I was always sure that the people claiming that were just saying that to try and normalize their… lustful acts,” he mumbled. 

 

“That’s not true, Dad,” She said, putting a hand over his own. “It’s not just lust. It’s  _ love _ . I can’t choose who I fall in love with.”

 

He sat in silence for a while drinking in everything she said. After processing it for a while, he let out a long, heavy sigh before he finally asked: “Does she make you happy?”

 

Kai smiled a little. “Yeah, she definitely does.”   
  
He nodded slowly, then asked, “And you… love her?”

 

“More than anything in the world. She’s the best thing to happen to me… and I have no idea how I could live without her,” she said immediately, her heart practically swelling at the thought of how much she loved Monika.

 

The man stared at his daughter for a bit before frowning and nodding. “Yeah.. you definitely have it bad…” 

 

Kai blushed, looking down in embarrassment. 

 

“And you.. You seemed so in love when you were with that girl… It was almost… cute…” He sighed, rubbing his head. “I see. I know that kind of love when I see it. And I know that, no matter how I feel, you’re not letting her go.”

 

Kai nodded silently. She loved her father dearly, but she had definitely been prepared to lose him, just to stay with Monika. 

 

“Well I suppose that… I’ll let you be. I’m sorry I yelled at you and… threatened to stop supporting you I just…” He let out another sigh. “I not only wanted you to come here immediately, but I was hoping to steer you away from that stuff as quick as possible. But I guess… there was no stopping it.” Shaking his head, he pulled her in for a hug. “I shouldn’t have tried to scare and threaten you into being the way I want you to be. I may not approve of it much but you’re my daughter, and you’ll always have me.”

 

“I-I’m so glad. I was really scared you’d disown me,” she sniffed.

 

“Never! I’d never go that far. I wouldn’t throw away 20 years over anything. That’s just insane,” He assured, hugging her tighter. They stayed like that, hugging and crying until the tears stopped and they were as close to normal as they were going to get. “Well Kai, I still love you and… and I’ll let you live your life as you please but… It will take me a long while to be fully okay with this.” Her father admitted.

 

Kai nodded, understanding. “I didn’t expect you to just become a gay ally overnight, Dad. But if you’re willing to try for me, that’s amazing on its own.”

 

Nodding, her father sighed, sitting back in the chair, thinking to himself for a moment. “So… when are you going to introduce me to your… your girlfriend?” he asked, slightly fumbling over his words. He truly wasn’t used to this sort of thing. 

 

“O-oh… uhm… soon?” She shrugged.

 

“How about this weekend? I… may not be the biggest fan but I still find it important to know what kind of person my daughter is dating, no matter the gender.” 

 

“Right. I’ll make sure to bring her over on the weekend then,” Kai agreed, smiling a little. She was sure that he wouldn’t want to see her girlfriend any time soon, but it turned out that his concern for her was greater than his homophobia. It filled her heart with relief. 

 

“So uhm... “ he paused momentarily. It was as if he had to continually process the concepts presented and was struggling. “Gosh there’s so many questions and I really don’t get this whole thing too well. I hope I can… understand more in the future.” He admitted.

 

“It’s alright Dad, we’ll take it one step at a time. You can always ask me stuff.”

 

“Yeah. Baby steps. Well for now, I’ll just leave things at the fact that I still love you and I support you and your deci… uhm… way of life.” 

 

“Thanks dad,” Kai got up and hugged him again. After the hug, she pulled away, heading towards the door. “I’m glad I got to see you again Dad, even if it was rough at first. I’ll be heading home now.”   
  


“Alright then, darling. I’ll see you this weekend,” he said, saying his farewells.

 

Although she’d came there with nothing but absolute fear, she strode away with complete happiness radiating from her face.It was truly one of the best things that could’ve happened. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that ended better than expected. Anywho feel free to comment or share constructive criticism!


	19. The Visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kai and Monika visit her father. Things are a bit tough.

Monika stared at her pacing girlfriend, wondering when the floor would get a break from it’s suffering. Kai was currently a mess, fretting about every little thing, and nearly having a panic attack. Resisting the urge to sigh, Monika spoke up once again to attempt to calm the poor woman. 

 

“Kai, babe, please just try to calm down. It’ll turn out fine, I’m sure of it.”

 

“There’s no way to know that!” Kai argued, going through her clothes for the third time. “We have to make a super good impression, Monnie! Things might have gone much better than expected earlier this week, but he still doesn’t really approve of this stuff!”

 

“I know, Kai, but I just don’t think that panicking makes anything better is all,” Monika pointed out, beginning to check her makeup one last time. She’d gone for a simple outfit that day, wearing a pink plaid shirt, jeans and grey tennis shoes. Her style had been becoming more and more like Kai’s over time, not that Monika minded. She didn’t mind some plaid every once in a while. Her only goal was to look nice, and she felt like she’d accomplished that so far. Unlike Kai, she felt that she was fine, and was ready to face her girlfriend’s dad. 

 

Kai, however…

 

“Do ya think he’ll be mad if I just reschedule?”

  
“Oh my god, Kai,” Monika said in exasperation, finally getting tired of her lover’s worrying. She walked over, grabbed the outfit she thought would look best on Kai, and dressed the panicking woman herself. Ignoring Kai’s protests, she pulled her over to a chair and applied a small amount of makeup to her face before looking her up and down and nodding. “You look fine now. Trust me,” She assured. Kai went to speak and Monika blocked it with a tender kiss. “It’s alright Kai. We’ll go over there, and have a nice time, and your dad will probably be alright with it. He already said he loves you and would never let you go. That’s the important part, isn’t it?” She soothed.

 

Kai breathed a few times, nodding. “Yeah… yeah you’re right… I’ll calm down…”

 

“Good,” Monika smiled. “Now come on, if we hurry we can make this bus,” She ushered. The two hurried out the door hand in hand, heading towards their destination. 

 

It didn’t take long for Kai and Monika to come to that same pale green suburban house. With some motivation from Monika, Kai willed herself to walk to the door, hand-in-hand with the woman she loved and knock a few times. She made sure to take a few breaths to calm down. Monika squeezed her hand and gave her an encouraging smile before the door opened.

 

They were both met with the sight of a Kai’s father who had a smile that looked a tad forced and uncomfortable. “Hey there, come on in,” he invited, opening the door wider for the. The two stepped inside, taking their shoes off at the door, and once they were settled a bit, Kai cleared her throat awkwardly. 

 

“S-so, dad, this is my girlfriend, Monika,” she introduced nervously. Monika was fortunately not as awkward as the two family members, opting to let a sincere smile spread onto her face as she held out her hand to the man.

 

“It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Pearce,” she said. He hesitated before accepting the hand in his own and shaking it. 

 

“It’s uh…  _ nice _ to meet you too, Monika,” he responded before pulling away. “I went ahead and made some food. Nothin’ fancy like the stuff Kai’s always making, but well, I tried. Kai was normally the cook around here before she moved out,” He admitted.

 

“Aw, dad I’m sure it’s fine. Whenever you did cook it was still pretty good,”  

 

“Kai… you cannot tell me that spaghetti I made that one day was good.”

 

“Well… the noodles  _ were _ a bit on the blackened crunchy side… along with a bit of sogginess as well…. But I mean, the sauce was good.”   
  
“...Because all I did as warm up the pre-made sauce from the store.”

 

Kai let out a small laugh. “Well, ya got me on that.” 

 

Shaking his head, Her father smiled. “Well, this time around I’m making lasagna. I actually found a tutorial and… followed the directions for once.”

 

“Hey, that’s a step up!” Kai teased, and they all laughed as they sat down together in the living room. Things were going rather well so far, but that was likely to change at any second. 

 

“So…” Kai’s father stated, awkwardly staying silent for a moment. “Forgive me if this is bad but, I just don’t get this whole thing. Which… which one of you uh…” he struggled to come up with the rest of his sentence for a moment, clearly confused. “Wears the pants?”   
  


Both Kai and Monika groaned inwardly. It was understandable. People always wanted see relationships as hetero even with the same sex, and this case was no exception. Thankfully, it wasn’t the worst question in the world, and it could be answered very simply.

 

“Um, neither. We’re not only both females, but we’re both equals,” Monika answered before Kai could awkwardly stutter out a sentence

 

“But then how does that dynamic even work?” he frowned in confusion. 

 

“Cooperation, communication, and love I believe,” said Kai with a shrug.  

 

“And you don’t want any kids Kai? I was sure I’d end up having a little grandson running around…”

 

“Not right now, or any time soon. But in the future, we might adopt and… have a family…” Kai trailed off. She had said that sentence so easily but had never actually thought about such a thing yet. She turned to Monika, who seemed to be trying to calm herself down after hearing such a thing, but a smile had spread onto her face. A  _ family _ . That might be nice. 

 

Their staring and smiling stopped when the other occupant of the room cleared his throat awkwardly. “S-so you’d raise a kid together… and it won’t have a father figure…?”

 

“N-no. No it wouldn’t. But it doesn’t matter. So long as they have good, supportive parents. And that’s exactly what we’ll be,” Kai assured. He didn’t seem convinced, instead looking as if he disapproved, but he didn’t say anything. They could tell that he was actively trying not to argue about anything or say something insensitive. 

 

Just as the silence was about to get awkward, Kai sniffed. “Dad… did you forget that you were cooking?”

 

He gasped and immediately bolted out of his seat, rushing off to the kitchen. Smoke began wafting through the house and Kai sighed, opening a window. A minute or so later, her dad walked back in with a sheepish grin. 

 

“So… who wants crunchy black lasagna?” he asked with a weak chuckle. 

 

“Gosh, I’ll make dinner, Dad,” said Kai, shaking her head as she went to the kitchen to make a new meal. 

 

Monika went to follow her, but paused when she felt a tap on her shoulder. Turning around, she immediately noticed Kai’s father and the rather intimidating frown on his face. His disapproving glare took away every semblance of calmness she had before. She had done her best to be calm and casual the whole day, in order to support Kai better. They couldn’t both be a nervous wreck. But with a homophobic man who happens to be her girlfriend’s father giving her a death stare, she couldn’t help the spike of anxiety that rushed though her. 

 

“Sit back down, I wanna have a talk with you,” he said, the awkward fake cheer suddenly gone from his voice. Swallowing nervously, Monika did as she was told, hoping it wouldn’t be too bad. “What do you want with my daughter?” he practically hissed. 

 

“U-uh, well I just want to make her happy and stay by her side,” she answered nervously. He narrowed his eyes further at that. 

 

“Well I’ll just let you know this right now, I’d do anything for my baby, and she’s the best thing I have in my life. I don’t care if you’re a girl, guy, or whatever else is out there these days, you’ll know what real pain feels like if you so much as make her cry,” he threatened. “I’ll gladly take the jail time.”

 

Now, Monika had no intention whatsoever to harm Kai in any way, yet she still shivered a bit at the threat. Kai’s father was definitely not a man to be trifled with. While it was great to see that he still cared for is daughter so much, it didn’t make him any less terrifying. Still, she forced a sweet smile to mask the sheer panic on her face.

 

“N-no worries, sir. I would never hurt her,” She assured. 

 

“You’d better hope so,” he growled, his glare intensifying. “We’re  _ not _ on good terms, so I’d watch my back if I were you.”

 

Monika’s smile faltered. He absolutely  _ despised _ her. No amount of being good and nice would change the fact that she was his daughter’s  _ girlfriend _ and he didn’t approve of such a thing. Naturally, he probably believed it was her fault that Kai was a useless lesbian. 

 

Monika took a deep breath. “Please, I know that you don’t like our relationship, but I want the best for her too. The last thing in the world that I’d want is for her to be hurt… and us being enemies wouldn’t do any good, especially for her.”

 

His frown never left his face. “We have very different views of doing what’s best. As far as I know…” He paused, clenching his fist tightly. “As far as I know, you’re dragging my daughter down to hell with you.”

 

With every new challenge, her calmness and confidence faltered. She was trying to be strong for Kai. But she was  _ scared _ . She couldn’t do anything but try to get on his good side, and that obviously wasn’t going too well. 

 

“Dad, oh my god, please tell me you’re not harassing my girlfriend,” Kai groaned, walking back into the living room. She could tell just by glancing at Monika’s faltering smile that he’d been doing exactly that. 

 

“I’m just making sure you’re gonna be alright, darlin’...”

 

“Dad, I’m fine without you threatening to kill her-”

 

“I mean, not  _ kill _ , that’d be letting her off easy.”

 

“Dad!” Kai sighed in frustration. “Look, I’m confident that Monika is perfect for me. And I really don’t need you to treat her like this.”

 

Her father sighed, massaging his left temple in an attempt to calm himself down. “Alright, I get it. I’m sorry, Kai.”

 

Kai’s frown deepened, as she motioned towards Monika. His expression visibly soured, but he sucked it up regardless. 

 

“And I’m sorry for threatening you… Monika…” 

 

“Good. Now  _ both _ of you come in the kitchen. I think you need some tutorials Dad, you can’t eat takeout forever.”

 

“You send me food too,” he complained, standing up regardless. 

 

“Again, you can’t have these things forever.”

 

..........

 

Soon after, they finally had some edible food cooked and after filling their plates, they were all seated in the dining room. Already, they were faced with another awkward moment. 

 

So, Kai promptly addressed it, as she knew it would come up. 

 

“We’re not allergic to religion, Dad,” she said with a sigh. He had stared awkwardly at his food, fumbling with his hands a bit before she spoke up. 

 

“I just didn’t want to… make you uncomfortable or anything.”

 

She shook her head. “If it’s that hard, I’ll say grace instead.”

 

After hearing no further protest, she went ahead and did it. Everyone bowed their heads for the short prayer before the meal and started eating as it ended. 

 

“I’m sorry for being so paranoid, I just really don’t know how to go about this at all,” He apologized, taking a bite of food.

 

“I know, it’s okay. But just because I want your support doesn’t mean I want you putting aside your own needs. You shouldn’t be feeling bad when you pray or anything.”

 

Her father smiled a little. It was the first genuine smile he’d made since they had arrived. Kai smiled back and all was well. 

 

“Something is off about this…” Her father commented on the food. Kai immediately realized what he meant. 

 

“Oh! That’s right, I never told you, Monnie’s a vegetarian. So there’s no meat in this.”

 

“Ah, that’s what it is…” He mumbled, glancing over to said woman. Monika tensed under his gaze, hoping that he wouldn’t be too upset. Meanwhile, he was thinking back to what Monika said before, about them needing to get along for Kai. He sighed inwardly, before speaking up once more. “So, is there any particular reason why you’re a vegetarian, Monika?” He asked.

 

Monika’s eyes widened slightly. He seemed genuinely curious. Was he actually trying to get to know her better as a person? Smiling slightly, she answered him. “Well, I just decided that I would try my best to reduce my carbon footprint and all. Meat production isn’t exactly the most eco-friendly thing, you know?”

 

He nodded. “I completely understand. Kai fell out of it because of how busy she usually is nowadays, but I actually got into hunting for that exact reason. I still hunt, and I try to do it as responsibly as I can. I don’t think I haven’t bought grocery store meat in years. So, since it isn’t a religious or moral thing and just an environmental concern, you have that option.”

 

Monika’s smile widened. “I actually thought of that, but didn’t consider it because, well I don’t exactly know how to hunt,” She said. “And I didn’t know you could hunt, Kai.”

 

“Well, I actually thought about it a while ago, it’s just that I didn’t know if I’d be able to make time for it, so I didn’t say anything.”

 

“You could’ve just asked for my meat, I would’ve sent you some of what I hunted. After all it takes forever for me to eat all of it on my own. I end up having to sell most of it,” He said. “Not to mention, I’m sure Monika wouldn’t mind eating more than a bunch of leaves,” He joked. 

 

“Hey, I make leaves taste good,” Kai protested with a chuckle. The awkward atmosphere was finally dissipating, as Kai’s dad wasn’t focusing too much on their sexuality and relationship. 

 

They all continued to chat, and things went smoothly. Kai’s father asked Monika questions that were easy to answer, even if a lot of the answers were half made-up to protect her actual identity. Eventually, it seemed that he didn’t hate her as much as he did during the beginning of their visit. His smiles were becoming more genuine, and he put aside his concerns. While her father was still going to need a lot of time to really wrap his head around it all and understand everything, he was at the very least in a much better mood.

 

By the end of their visit they were all smiles as they walked toward the front door together. Once there, Kai stopped and hugged her dad.  

 

“Thanks for giving this all a chance, Dad.”

 

He smiled. “Anything for my darling.” 

 

“I’m sorry I was so hard on you, Monika,” he apologized, turning towards Monika. He surprisingly hugged her as well, though it turned out it was just for him to quickly whisper “don’t screw this up” to her. 

 

The two said their final goodbyes before leaving, relieved that things went better than they’d been expecting. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not dead! Woo! But in all honesty I'm pretty rusty. And I'm not even sure that this is how I intended to go with this. I don't know how it looks seeing as half of it was written months ago and I've been fiddling around in it a lot. Might come out looking like a hot mess tbh. But I tried. 
> 
> Comments and criticism are welcomed and appreciated!

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first DDLC work and my first story in years. Constructive criticism and comments are deeply appreciated!


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